Day 5

So as far as eating, I did a stellar job of getting in all my calories.
But as far as a day...it wasn't that great.
It's a bit of an embarrassing topic, but I'll just cut to the chase and say I've discovered I have a hemorrhoid (so I believe). I won't go into any further details but upon discovering this I've completely panicked and gone straight to the conclusion of colon cancer (hemorrhoids and colon cancer often get mixed up), for I have some of the symptoms they list such as ache in my side (I've had this for sometime...usually after eating and only goes away if I push really hard and massage it), excessive gas (though that could be caused my getting off laxatives?) not feeling fully empty once done a BM, thin stools, and also (though I'm not 100%) positive that there is excess mucus but I'm almost sure.

I'm sorry if this is really too much information but I'm just so scared. This morning I cried for about an hour and I'm back at it again after work.

My doctor is on vacation right now.
I talked to my mom but she's not worried and says I just need to boost my fibre (though I've told her about the other things). But the thing is...I don't really need to boost my fibre more than it is! It's not that my stool is hard to get out, you know? And I've boosted up my fibre anyways.

I just don't know what to do.
My grading is tomorrow and I hope that takes my mind of things. But I know I won't feel 100% better till I know that it's just a harmless hemorrhoid.

I feel so nauseous right now.
Distraught.
Confused.

I can't die.
I can't.

Paige,
I have gone through self diagnosis and thinking I was going to die. You can't let this freak you out! It is most likely nothing! Just put it out of your mind and get a check up to ease your mind but I doubt it is anything!

When I was 15 I had an enlarged lymph node and since when I was young my cousin died of Hodgkin lymphoma, and that was a sign I thought I had it. I was too afraid to ask a doctor and decided that I was just going to die and for months just thought about how I would tell my parents I was dying- I know I don't know what I was thinking. But I am fine. That was four years ago, and teenagers apparently can have enlarged lymph nodes- it happens.

So my point is, that youre probably freaking out over nothing. Yes, it is probably good to get your side pain checked out, but I honestly think you are just psyching yourself out! Its going to be okay I promise! Just focus on tomorrow and you will do Fantastic!!! And then when your doctor comes back just set up an appointment. Don't stress yourself out for days because of this, okay?

Im here for you, just so you know :) And I will definitely be thinking of you tomorrow and wishing you much luck!

allee

Paige...I agree with allee for the most part...I think it's very easy to jump to conclusions and make assumptions that are way more frightening that the reality. Please get this checked out, and stay away from any of the unnatural substances that you may feel tempted to use. Drink plenty of fluids (juices are good) and see what your doctor says. The worry of this will only make it much worse.
I too, have internal hemmorhoids, which at some times have caused some bleeding, but they aren't dangerous. Does your doctor have a colleague you could see until she/he gets back from vacation? Hang in there, and please try not to jump to conclusions...love that you are writing!!
HUGS..Jan ♥

Did you webMD yourself? If so - don't ever do it agian. If not - don't ever do it. A lot of the times we get ourselves completely stressed out over something innocent. Do tell what happens though!!

I just webMD myself and I'm pretty sure it's a hemorrhoid. Unfortunately my doctor won't be able to see me till October 6th and I think it's getting worse :\
I don't know.

I'm sure it's not cancer, but I still want to get things checked out on it.

I'll keep ya'll updated :)

Paige xoxo