Day 85-0-0. I know. I realize, at this point, that I am in a

Mental Health Personality Disorders
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Day 85-0-0. I know. I realize, at this point, that I am in an EXTREMELY difficult position and circumstance in my life. That I might need some help, in dealing with the stress. So I am not going to negative self talk today. I woke with a great peace, this morning. I am having MY "Vader" moment. In "Star Wars", Anakin Skywalker comes to his midlife crisis, in "Revenge Of The Sith", He is faced with the loss of his love. Filled with anxiety for the future, due to his dreams. Also fearing the loss of his unborn children, the loss of his relationship, political agendas, wars, death. But there is a moment. The moment when he TURNS. He KNOWS WHO HE IS. He is VADER. He KNOW WHAT HE WANTS. He KNOW HOW TO ACHIEVE HIS GOALS. Though in the movie, his goal is enslavement..... However, I'm getting off track. This is my "Vader" moment. My MIDLIFE CRISIS. On top of this. Two respectable communities agree that something HAPPENS to a man at this age. The drug community and my sponsors all agree, you tend to lose the urge to use at my age. Also the medical community seems to agree that borderline symptoms tend to fade in males at my age. Both communities agree that at this time in my life, I am going through CHANGES. NO S!#$. I have grown SO MUCH in the past several months. BECAUSE of my DIVORCE. My HOMELESSNESS. My STRUGGLES WITH ADDICTION. I'm saying that I could not be the man standing before you, had these things not occurred. I am experiencing a great inner search. I have FOUND MYSELF. And I was LOST. I KNEW I was LOST. I had been ME before, so I noticed that I wasn't ME. Now I know who I am. I am the MINDSLAVE. I KNOW what I want. An HONORABLE LIFE. One worth living. I KNOW how to get there. I now have the COURAGE of my CONVICTIONS. I just think I was always living AFRAID. You know what's funny. I've been afraid of being BORED. Try LOVING PEOPLE. You will never be BORED AGAIN. I feel like this is an ascension of the mind.

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Yes.

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OMG YODA!!!! I KNEW this one would get you..... You ROCK..... You are an AWESOME friend.........

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