Well after being hooked on Morphine for the past 7 years...(I'm 27 as of last week) I'm wanting to try to put this personal nightmare in the past. The thing that has made my addiction even harder I feel is that I'm so **** good at living my life just the same as everyone else! If you met me at any given time you would never think that I'm a morphine user. Thats what's made it so easy to convince myself that its ok. I say to myself "I have a $350,000 condo,a average car,a beautiful daughter and boyfriend,I maintain employment,pay my bills....ect But behind closed doors I'm anything but... I need it every **** day, spend WAY too much money on it (about $100 a day) and am sick and tired of hiding this secret. My family and boyfriend know that I do it,have never seen me though, they have no idea that its everyday,and its not talked about. (mostly due to the fact that I hide it so well) All this pressure is building up like crazy and I'm sick and tired of having all these deppressing thoughts about my "secret" addiction every night in my bed. I just want to scream out loud so everyone can hear how I'm dying inside and how fed up I am... So thats a little taste into my life right now... Oh I guess I should also mention that I got on the Methadone program and don't even NEED the morphine anymore and still havn't stopped or even slowed down. I want to be able to 100% say that today is the last time I will use and not be another lie to myself. Are you to really pick a day and quit?! I dont want to lie to myself anymore and keep saying every night before bed "I'm done and tommorrow I'm not going to do it" and then wake up,forget all that positive stuff the night before and use AGAIN!
Any feedback is great!!! this is a 1st for me( really wanting to end this ) and can use any help thats out there!!
Thank-u 4 reading...
lil miss hopeful....i'm so sorry for all you've been thru hun, have you looked into na meetings....or you could always put your self in the hospital for detox if needed. addiiction is a powerful beast and you need to surround yourself with lots of support. we are here for you but do check out na or hospital. it won't be easy as you know but if you want something bad enough you'll do what you gotta da.....let us know how your doing
I was a functioning addict too, and i fooled EVERYONE. My family didn't even know i was a an addict because i hid it so well. But its good that you see that you can't live like this anymore, you deserve a better quality of life. Are you having any with drawl symptoms? If so, call your dr. and see if they could prescribe you something to make your detox more comfortable, if you don't want to check in anywhere. I hope i helped a little bit ,life is a lot less complicated sober=)
Best Regaurds
-Krista
firstly you should be applauded for recognising you have a problem and are wanting to do something about it. i was addicted to turning morphine pills, since the age of 19, I am 35 now and have spent the last11years addicted to methadone! yes the stuff that is said to be anti addictive, and to help stop you from using, just became another addiction, liquid handcuffs, and my advice to you is to get off the stuff asap. i got to a point in my life that 'I was so sick and tired of being so sick and tired', and I really wanted my life back, freedom! I am now getting counted down, and withdrawal symptoms are hideous, but if you have family support, outside support, and a good doctor,who will subscribe. I am on a antidepresant(loxamine), and antianxiety(ativan) pill. It will make life alot more bearable for you and your family. Even though these pills may have addictive qualitys, I only intend on using them during the transitional period and they should not withold them from you. Better to be off morphine and methadone. Cads are there to help but they won't unless you really push the issue that you want change. There are groups out there that offer 12 step programmes, which I will be doing when the time is needed. And some form of counselling to address the underlying issues of why I use. It will help you too if you decide methadone isn't the best option(which i believe its not) for your morphine addiction (meth is a synthetic form of morphine and heroin that work on the same opioid receptors), and come off, write down all symptoms you are experiencing and take it to your doctor, he should help you, if not get another. Diet is also important when trying to stop using, protein is very important, as are taking multi vitamins, etc. there are sites related to this specifically. So good luck on your endeavour, as I need on mine. But importantly keep trying, don't give up, you and I can get there in the end. I hope this helps, all the best, Starayz.
Hi Starayz, are you still posting? I found this post from 6-20-11 very interesting,maybe you could give me some input on kicking morphine…how you did it, any kind of advice would be appreciated…
thank you -John
Hello Lil MIss Hopeful
Yes it is so easy to hide the addiction and to justify use to ourselves when the rest of our lives SEEMS to be okay on the surface.
and for that same reason I think it makes it that much more painful to us that we are using.
I got addicted to crack cocaine 8 years ago and spent 5 long years that way, when I tried to quit , I went through the same thing you are talking about here, all the false promises to myself,
that hurt like hell to keep letting my self down and my loved ones.
It got to the point I quit even saying it or doing it because it was too painful to keep failing at it
BUT that is what is a normal part of the overall quitting process.
So I encourage you not to give up .
Keep on trying to get free.
If you really, really want to be you can be.
Maybe you can approach your doctor with this and let them know what is going on and they can give you something for the withdrawals.
There is no easy way, but it is worth the effort it takes, at least it was for me.
I have been writing up some messages of hope from notes I took during my own journey to freedom forever. If you are interested in reading them
and to write each day is a useful tool when battling this enemy.
Anything that we "use" that ends up using us, means we are at the control and being dominated by something and it is just a bad feeling all the way around.
For me, I was **** curious to see what I was able of w/o this menace around my neck. The curiosity of your life's purpose,
as we know it cannot be this.
That there is so much more to us and that this is interfering w/ our process of our life purpose. that motivated me to get serious.
You are right you must be ready , willing and able.
It is hard to do
but the benefits from doing it are things you keep forever and the transformation that is possible, well it's the reverse of the worst you feel in this state.
I wish you well on this and hope you keep posting to let us know when you do make the commitment to stop and do the work and make the efforts necessary to get this monkey off your back.
wow Lil_Miss_Hopeful, you sound just like me. No one has any idea 'm an addict and every night I do the same thing - I will stay clean blah blah . . .er right. I know how you feel.
But the longer i've been on this site the more people I've met, so hopefully the added support this time will work,
here's hoping. good luck
BE STRONG FOR THIS TOO WILL PASS!!! I can relate. It's a dirty little secret, and it will continue to be, unless you put some LIGHT ON IT. I confessed to my chaplain, I confessed and repent in my prayers to GOD. Just remember you are only sinning against Him.
It doesn't matter what people think of you. What really matter is what you think of yourself, and dig deep to determine why you want to slowly kill yourself.
In my case, it has to do a lot with childhood traumas, major depression, PTSD, borderline personality, and the list continues. They're only labels. You know yourself better than anyone, so it is up to you whether you want to live or die. I chose VICTORY and to LIVE. It's a daily struggle. I'm not proud of my past, but I'm beginning to understand some of it, and why I turned to these negative coping skills.
I have myself to live for, and I am claiming 120 years on this earth. In order to do this, I need to change my life style and become more healthy. Anything and everything has side effects, but we must choose what is best for us. Trust me, it will come back and show up later in life, if not through aging, through mental and emotion; it's not about the money or the drugs. We must determine what it is about...Pray for strength or reach out for help and support to get rid of this debilitating disease.
SD