Wife admitted to having an affairntoday after being confronted. She had expressed dissatisfaction with the marriage a few weeks ago and suggested counseling. We started counseling and I began changing my behavior based on her expressed needs and the counselors suggestions.
I had suspicions of an affair for the past few weeks but did not want to believe it. Today I found proof and confronted her. She admitted it and stated that she had been trying to end it and the counseling was to help the marriage so she could end it.
I made her end it on the phone with me present. Her OM is also married and his spouse does not know. This was a long distance thing nd happened while she travelled for work although I have found out some of her work trips were not work trips and she was just meeting him for a few days. I threatened to expose his infidelity if he did not tell his wife. Not sure that was the right call or not. I have written a
Letter to the spouse but am holding it until talking with my therapist tomorrow.
I'm not sure what is going to happen. She says she is willing to work on the marriage but she is leaving on a business trip to his part of the country tomorrow. The kids are at her parents for the week so I am going to be alone to t things off I am supposed to go back to work tomorrow after taking the week offf because my mother was hospitalized with a life threatening condition.
I'm looking for various communities of people to help me keep my sanity.
im sorry to hear your going through this and i hope u and ur wife are able to make things better. i can imagine the anxiety of her bein in his area while ur alone to stew with your thoughts. i hope things will get better. this is a great support site. welcome!
My heart goes out to you will. I can imagine the betrayal and deception you can be feeling. There has to zero trust at this point. You can't worry and I know this not easy to do especially at point what she does on this trip. Yo need to really take of yourself first IMO. She is goign to do what she wants know matter what. You can only control your actions and thoughts; the latter being much more difficult. Can you speak with someone? Like a professional? I would like to think it would help immensly. Skeap with your wife and set boundaries if she is really serious as to being commited to salvalging the marriage.
Tanks, I appreciate your support. No amount of logic alone will get me through this.it is still too fresh a wound. Tried sleeping in the same bed. I needed an Ambien just to sleep. Woke up and she was downstairs .
Will, I relate to what your going through; as I stilll wake up every 2-3 hours every night. I take a another med to help me sleep but to no avail. I have serious issues with trying to change people to benefit themselves personally. This is something you need to take up with your wife, she is manipulating you with this affair and therapy to change you how she wants you to be. If that's the case then you better get your demands in also. If has to change then both have to change in some way. It will only help make you a stronger more complete and happier couple down the road. As long as both parties are totally commited and completely honest with each other.
Will: I am sure your wife and her 'friend' will not be enjoying their secret relationship now that you have called them out on it. They will have to deal with reality now and that defeats the purpose of cheating. Not sure about making your wife end it over the phone. She didn't come to that conclusion on her own, so it may or may not be sincere. Think very carefully about sending that letter to the other innocent wife. She will need support to hear that her husband is cheating, and receiving a letter from you might be more than she can handle by herself. Unless there is some compelling reason why it needs to come from you, I would leave it to her husband to tell or not. I would also get tested for all STD's and insist your wife do the same, assuming you plan on having sex with her at some point when the feelings heal a bit. I am sorry for what you are going through. I have also been the recipient of the gift of infidelity and it is intensely painful.
Will, do rethink sending letter to other spouse as it would be counter productive & just possible retaliation as I'm sure the other party is well aware of something being amiss in the relationship too, instead focus on you & w/the therapists help let them guide you through this maze of deception & find some of the answers as to why & look deep inside yourself & your wife may in time do the same so the past history is not repeated again. Its exhausting & takes as long as it takes for both parties to be willing enough to work it through together or separate if necessary.