Dealing with children growing up and being Grown

I have 3 daughters - ages 21, 19, 16 - all live at home at the moment. The last few years has involved me adjusting to my daughters growing up and being "grown." I have been learning to let go which has not always been easy. My middle daughter came home for the summer after spending about 9 months with her paternal grandmother while she was going to college. I have to say she has definitely changed since she has been away. She is more independent. The adjustment has not been easy for me nor her dad. So the big thing has been dealing with our rules and them following them. My husband and I are not really strict but we do have certain things we ask like letting us know about what time to expect them back in. Also an idea of where they may be going. And also letting us know if plans change and they may be out later or staying overnight somewhere. Being that my husband works during the week we do like for them to be in no later than 1am so neither one of us is sitting up all night waiting up for them. My oldest daughter is pretty good about everything. It's been my middle daughter who has been a pain about all this but I think she is may be finally coming around. I told her we were not trying to tend to her business - just like to know so we aren't sitting here worrying.

And thats what parenting is about HUH. My 18yr. old is on the coast for a couple of weeks til college starts & like you said I'm adjusting & starting to relish my "ME" time & do find myself working emotionally w/myself to not contact him...... He did let me know he reached his destination safely & I can only hope he takes w/him the lessons in life that I've instilled UGH!!!!!!!!! I got my fingers never really knows huh.

oh I can so identify. My 18 yr. old and I have been going around. It was getting bad but it has settled a bit. I did have to set boudaries and so did she. I told her it is normal for her to want her independence but she didn't have to be angry to get it. She never wanted me to ask her anything. She also didn't think she should have to tell me anything. It got to the point that I felt I was intruding on her in my home. I told her it was just a matter of consideration and respect. I did agree not to call her when she was out as much. She has a 12 curfew unless its something special. I do ask her to come up and say goodnight when she gets in (that way I can get a sniff) still working on that. I did say that i hoped that as she became more independent that she wouldn't forget all the good lessons she has learned along the way. It has gotten better we aren't both angry with each other. Peace at all cost is not peace tho she still needs my help but I have to approach at the right time. It' not easy but all and all I have to remember she is a good kid. She is her mothers daughter and sometimes that is hard to see when it is not pretty. Can' give up tho she is worth it and our relationship is definetly worth it. Give and take one day at a time.

And it would be easier if they did not live under OUR roof too because there HAS to be rules until they move out on their own & of course they will find out just how many rules are really out there HUH... it outta be interesting & concerning at the same time :-/

Hi domorgan018, That is exactly how my 19 year old has been acting. She didn't want me to ask her anything and she didn't think she should have to tell us anything. I felt the same thing like I was intruding on her in my own home. Hello?? As my oldest daughter said to her younger sister, there is such a thing called consideration for others and also respect for your parents. I keep taking it one day at a time also. It has been getting some better. I keep praying and putting her in God's hands.

Earlier when I was reading domorgan018's reply it made me think of something I had read before. I searched and searched and finally found it! :)

The Images of Mother
* 4 YEARS OF AGE ~ My Mommy can do anything!
* 8 YEARS OF AGE ~ My Mom knows a lot! A whole lot!
* 12 YEARS OF AGE ~ My Mother doesn't really know quite everything.
* 14 YEARS OF AGE ~ Naturally, Mother doesn't know that, either.
* 16 YEARS OF AGE ~ Mother? She's hopelessly old-fashioned.
* 18 YEARS OF AGE ~ That old woman? She's way out of date!
* 25 YEARS OF AGE ~ Well, she might know a little bit about it.
* 35 YEARS OF AGE ~ Before we decide, let's get Mom's opinion.
* 45 YEARS OF AGE ~ Wonder what Mom would have thought about it?
* 65 YEARS OF AGE ~ Wish I could talk it over with Mom.


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