Have you even been so depressed that you literally become a failure to thrive? I stopped eating, drinking, functioning. I would lay in bed or my favorite place on my hammock for days. Consumed by the depression. I lost 80lbs. Not even sure over what amount of time that took place as I had no concept of time. Very very very freaking slowly I seem to be moving forward, though I often question if it isn’t just my depression adapting and trying to find new ways to sustain. You know how many mental health professionals would ask me if I wanted to be there, like I was choosing this. I had one get in my face and tell me I was very depressed. I mean seriously, no sht. To be treated like you’re an anomaly, stupid, manipulative etc. to be blamed for when interventions are not working. I also feel like there is this expectation that everything can be fixed in days or weeks. That I’m purposely sabotaging it when things don’t help. You know I heard over and over again, you need a higher level of care or if you would just allow the treatments to work. I have gone to every appointment, taken all my medications as prescribed, minus the OD. I have been passed on by so many people because they can’t help? Or give up? I have discovered there are just as many shtty health providers out there as there are good ones. The good ones though are impossible to find. Or they don’t take insurance. You need to be rich to survive a true mental health crisis and be treated humanely and with respect I have decided. I’m luckily I seem to have found a small number of decent people who will work with me. But I just have to say. Blaming/shaming/discrediting the person because they don’t fit the “ideal” mold is detrimental. Sorry my rant for now as I get ready to leave for TMS. Another intervention that doesn’t really work. At least the tech is nice there.
We are here for you. Sometimes we need to say things to the people we are trying to help that they don’t want to hear. This is because we’ve been there and most of the work happens inside. It is not instant, this is work that takes time. I understand how frustrating it can be, but please go on. We are here for you.
If only there was a ketamine induced coma treatment plan that healed you while your out…. I would be the first to sign up. Depression blows
I feel a lot on this comment. Like, how meds dont work if its “just a chemical imbalance”? I hate that we need to do things in order to get better. Depression takes out hability to do those things, i also found myself in a situation that is new to me, i usually clean the house but ive been letting it go for some weeks bc i cant find the strength and will to do it, its not very pleasurable and the reward stinks, quite literally, bc the house will get dirty again. I never really stopped eating bc i feel really sick but i realized that im not taking care of me as much as i should, i just cant deal with the way we have to live anymore
I just quit. It hurts to much to care. I’m fucking tired of hurting. Consequently there’s a thunderstorm again. I’m sitting outside in it again. I doubt it will work. But hey I’m not against helping chance along.