I was 16 when i first heard the prognosis. im 31 now and feel just as destroyed as i was as a child. relief from depression came with drugs and alcohol, but as loyal as ive been to the medication of my disease, relief has never come and ive grown worse. im ashamed of myself. ive spent a life running away and now i dont know where to begin to fix it. the drugs have progressed from beginner to serious awful stuff. im feeling stuck now. im fairly sure im codependant on my drug addicated boyfriend. nothing really to be proud of. just surviving. self esteem and confidence are embarressing low. my mom, 3000 miles away is not [to the best of my knowledge] privy to extreme of my current demise...recently she advised me to be happy that i have a job and place to live, but -please- i have to believe i can change-please- i pray everyday, so embarressed of what ive become- so scared- ive done wrong for so very long, but i still cant accept this place
phoenix burning, how courageous you are to share where your at. lets see if we can help you along in your recovery. are you taking any meds to help with your depression? i assume the drugs you are talking about are street drugs along with alcohol. may i suggest that you may also want to post in the drug and/or alcohol forums as well to get extra support. there are also links for codependeny and relationships. they may be able to give your further advice on all these issues. still with the support group and we can get ya heading in the right direction.