I take quizzes and answer every question with a yes, and I am not proud of it. I want help in dealing with the depression, but there is nowhere to turn. Finding a psychiatrist is nearly impossible, and I barely even see my psychologist. When I do see her, she doesn't address any of the problems I bring up, just nods and looks at me sympathetically. I hate not being able to control my emotions. I cry over just about anything. I feel irritable constantly. I keep thinking about death and am deeply afraid of it. I've never been this depressed, though before when I first got depressed I was started on Lexapro. A little over a month ago I got off of Lexapro and it has been a living hell ever since. I got off of it because I was sick of feeling numb and having to rely on it. But now when I look back I realize how stupid I was to make that decison. I just moved this past month, am about to go to a new school, and this was the worst time to get off of it. But now it feels too late to go back on it. And I don't want to rely on medication, but my family says that I might have to use it for my entire life. It's depressing in and of itself knowing that I cannot be happy without some chemicals being infused in my brain. I am currently on wellbutrin, and I almost feel like it just makes things worse, as it seems to worsen my anxiety. I stopped taking it for a while then got back on it, and during that short time I actually started to feel better. I want to talk to a psychiatrist, but there are none available. I don't know what to do, if I should get back on Lexapro and whether I should keep taking Wellbutrin. Probably no one will want to read this long essay, but if you do I am extremely grateful and would love some advice on this. Please help. I have been wanting help for so long now, and my depression only seems to be getting worse. It's making it impossible to live and I feel like it's the end of my life. I'm only 19.
Hi blueeyedgirl, I'm glad you found us!! I am so very sorry that you've been going through all of this, but I am glad you are here!! Welcome to supportgroups! You will begin to meet other young ladies like yourself who have very similar experiences and are at varying stages of their own treatments for depression anxiety etc...
I am 45 year old mother of 6 and grandma of 5, but I've dealt with depression since I was a young girl too. 3 of my children also take anti depressants and didn't want to have to, but now are so glad that they have them as it's allowed them to have very amazing relationships and opportunities. Taking anti-depressants isn't a failure or make someone "weak". It's quite the contrary and very brave and healthy!!
I am sure you will meet others soon and they will help you to feel better!! I have found the support boards to be a Godsend for me as I left an abusive marriage in January. The people here have really held me up and loved me through some very difficult days.
Again, I'm so sorry for how you are feeling, but I'm so glad you found support groups! Sometimes it takes a few days for a post to be seen so don't lost hope if you dont' get replies right away. Just keep posting and you will be seen!!
Sending welcoming hugs, Suzee
You are not alone. I hate those quizzes because even on anti-depressants I am still considered depressed. I have been taking anti-depressants since I was 19 myself which was almost 20 years ago. If the medication you are taking is making you feel numb, then you may want to try something else. Find something that makes you feel "level" as I call it. I had a hard time with my psychiatrist as well. I felt like I would go there and tell her everything that was wrong or upset about and cry for an hour and then she would question my feelings as to whether they were rational thoughts or not. I of course knew they weren't but that didn't stop them. Each time she would tell me I was making progress, but I think the progress that I made was the medication working, not the talking we did. Just my opinion I guess.
What I did get out of it was to think about what was causing me to be upset and try to address the issues. I still have a hard time with this.
My suggestion is to keep your family involved. Getting support from them really helps. My mother didn't believe in depression and medication. It sounds like you have understanding parents.
Keep trying to find a psychiatrist that does work for you. Give it more than 1-2 visits. They are trying to get to the real cause of your depression as well which may take longer than a few hours to figure out. Also, stay on the medication. Try and find one that works for you. Let the doctors tell you if they think you should stop or not. Medication is not a bad thing. People rely on it all the time for other diseases such as high blood pressure and have to take the rest of their lives. Try not to be ashamed of it. You are not alone. Feel free to ask for advice anytime you need to. We are here for you!
~~ crazymom