Desperate

I'm eighteen and have been with my partner about 5years.It's a complicated relationship to say the least.

I found out on the 2nd of April that I was pregnant and was so so excited, for some unknown reason I decided not to tell my partner.

Everything was fine,we went for the routine 12week scan.Then around the 21st of June everything went horribly horribly wrong.

I ended up loosing my baby and now I feel totally devastated. Was it something I done, or something I didn't do.

Now I just feel totally alone, like I failed my baby. I've totally locked my partner out of my emotions etc. and am just totally lost and honestly feel like not living.

I just don't know what to do and any advice would be helpful.

Thanks,
Amy

Amy,

I can completely relate to how you are feeling. My husband and I have been together for 11 year, married 6 this weekend, and we have lost three pregnancies. We have never gotten past 6 1/2 weeks so you were much further along, but I don't think the pain could be any different. The first two losses I felt like I was broken and unfortunately after this last one (two weeks ago) I continue to feel that way.

I haven't any thing to help you - words of wisdom, instant fixes, etc. - but I can tell you that you have to have someone to talk to. They need to be someone caring and willing to listen without trying to fix you. You know God has a plan and that there is reason for everything. Having people tell you the same thing over and over is not going to heal that, or at least in my case it hasn't. Speaking with people in the same situation may help, I am hoping that is what this group is going to do for me. I know of no one in my situation. Yes people have lost, but I have lost three times, two time took my fallopian tubes making it impossible to get pregnant in the typical fashion. We will have to resolve to InVetro Fertilization or adoption. So I am here if you want to chat. Let me know. I am here to listen and validate you feelings.

Answeet,
Saying sorry is in no manner a word to use to describe the phrase I wish to use for the situation you are in. It’s awful,having a family is the most natural thing in the world for a woman to want and to be unable to carry a child any longer must be unbearable. I know if it was me, this conversation would not be taking place(if you get my meaning). IVF or adoption is something positive to be taken from the situation which you are in, I am a believer of taking positives from situations however I do find it hard to practice what I preach.
I wonder if you could hep me, given our situation is similar. I have no idea how to let my partner help me anymore. At the moment we are just two people who share a home together and a bed. I feel like not only I have failed my child but have also failed my partner. The thought of him touching me again makes my head spin and not in a good way, does this feeling ever go away?
I currently feel a shell of my former self and I just cry everyday. Each day it gets harder and harder to cope. I feel so so alone in my own life, as if one never existed before the miscarriage. I feel I should go to heaven because at least there I can care for and protect my baby.

Amy

Amy,
I'm sorry for what you are going through. It can't be easy. I too have had a miscarriage. There are so many thoughts running through the mind it's hard to pin point what you are feeling, what you should do, or how to cope. My doctor says that a miscarriage is common, which is why people generally do not announce a pregnancy until the 2nd trimester. Please don't blame yourself, things just happen and we don't always know why. You are not alone, and try including your partner through this process. It may help. I hope you find a way through this, always here to listen if you need...

Best Wishes, July