Last week I received the news that my dog has a terminal heart condition. Although we can give him medicine to make him more comfortable, we cannot extend his life. Most dogs of his size who develop this condition live no more than two or three months. It was heart-wrenching news. I'm sure there are many of you who have lost pets over the years and can relate to the pain.
As soon as I heard the news I felt nauseous and ran to the bathroom to go throw up. I cried in the vet's office, I cried that night, I cried in the middle of the night and the next morning, and the next day, and at work, etc. And I couldn't eat. Everything tasted terrible, everything hurt my stomach, everything made me feel like I was going to barf, so for two or three days I pretty much had bananas and toast.
On the third day I woke up feeling tired and weak. I thought about what I had eaten over the past few days and realized that it wasn't enough to give me energy. So I went to the store and bought $30 worth of high protein stomach-friendly food-- things that go down easy and stay down, "comfort foods" if you will, things like cottage cheese, mashed potatoes, toast, protein shakes, granola bars, etc.
I had always wondered what would happen to me these days if something really emotional happened. Would I starve again? Would I turn to ED again? Would I take out my pain on my body? Well, this was just about the worst possible news, and I didn't do any of those things. I had a few days of distress followed by a plan to take care of myself. And it kind of happened automatically, I just ended up at the store. It was like my body was sending me distress signals and I listened. And I didn't sit there wondering what it was saying, I just knew what it wanted.
I'm still sad, and I can't imagine how it's going to be the first day I come home and my puppy isn't there to greet me at the door, but in terms of ED recovery, I'm kicking ***.
I never thought I would be able to handle a situation like this. Recovery is so possible.
--heather