Dil

My son and daughter in law have been living with me for a little over a month, saving to get an apartment. My DIL is 7 months pregnant. I am thrilled they are here because they lived several states away before. The issue is my dil rarely does anything to help around the house. She will sleep and watch TV all day long, while the dishes pile up and the house is messy. I work full time and spend alot of time with a family member in the nursing home after work. I understand she is starting to get big and is tired, but am I expecting too much? I don't know how to approach her about giving a helping hand without hurting her feelings. She is a doll, and I love her, I don't want to upset her in anyway. Any suggestions?

I feel ya on this....I have a similar, but not so similar issue. My 22 year old male cousin is living with us and has been for 10 months. He doesn't do anything around here unless he is told to....

It's hard having someone else live in your space....and sharing responsibilities with them. I look at it like this....She's pregnant, not sick. As long as her doc says it is ok for her to do housework, then she can do it. Maybe not the more intense physical stuff, like mopping or vacuuming, but she can do dishes and stuff like that.....ie., folding laundry, dusting, etc.

Maybe you can make a list and say to her, "OK, this is the stuff WE need to get done today. Which of these chores do YOU want to do?"

I'm wondering what her age is....If she is young like my cousin is, she may not think about the chores.....you know? She may be more focused on her pregnancy and the move and all of that stuff, if it is her first pregnancy....Or maybe she feels out of place in your home? Hard to say.....

But she most definitely should be helping out around the house! You are NOT expecting too much!! She needs to get used to chores before the baby comes and she is overwhelmed by responsibility. = )

Always,
YaYa

She is 26 and I am sure she is missing her family. I have planned a baby shower for her so she can meet new friends and things. I have not spent alot of time with her before this so I just don't want to make her feel unwelcome in anyway. I have thought about talking to my son about it, let him approach her

Oh boy. Are they going to be living with you right after the baby is born? Maybe you should set the ground rules now, with your son, about what you expect. Let him approach your DIL about what THEY need to do together to pitch in and help you. Once the baby is born, they will be so entranced in their new baby, they will be less likely to help. Either that, or the "nesting" phenomena will take over and she/they will become cleaning marvels.

I understand your situation so well because I've been there. I've usually been one to ask for help when I really needed it, 'cause no one is going to know what you need or expect unless you tell them. Telling the both of them about the problem you are having because of lack to time and energy, etc, to do it all yourself and can they think of some solutions to help keep things neater and cleaner, and you know they wouldn't want to bring a newborn into a home littered and dirty. Good luck on this, diplomatic honesty is the best policy.

i agree with ya _ya she isnt disabled. you work all the time she can help unless she is on bed rest. if she is healthy then she can help out. thats the least her and ur son can do. i would sit down and talk to them together. living with family can be stressful. hope it goes well and congrats on the grandbaby!