Disappointing others . .

On days like today I question my sobriety. It would be nice to be able to sit and have a couple of cocktails. Or a bottle of wine, or some vodka. Whatever will help me ignore the world. But then I think of all the friends, family, therapists, etc., who would be disappointed in me.

I am so lonely, so sad, so alone, and this day just won't end.

Hi Tignanello, How are you doing today? I hope you are feeling better today. Do you go to any AA meetings? I understand your feelings. I feel like that sometimes myself wanting to ignore the world. Numb myself, forget everything. It's ok to have the feelings. What is important is what we do about them. I think many of us who are in recovery still have those moments from time to time. One of the best things to do is to not be alone with yourself for too long when you are feeling this way. Call someone, go to a meeting, help someone else in recovery, anything to help yourself. Eventually the feelings will pass. Please keep sharing and letting us know how you are doing. We are here for you. ((((hugs))))

Hi bluidkiti. Thank yuo for your comments. It's true; the feelings do pass, but they always eventually come back!

I attend my groups, as well as my therapy and have a somewhat active (sort of) social life with people who are on the sober side - like, won't make plans to go out clubbing if I am there . . . but it is still hard at night. When there are no meetings and everyone in the world has gone to bed. That was my hardest time when I was drinking too. I would drink to get through those hours. Now being sober, it is still a hard time, and there is no release.

This is my work I guess.I feel like some strange superhero; sober and supportive during the day, anxious and lonely by night. Tonight I have a late yoga class, but after that, it is just me, myself, I and the dog hanging out.

Thank you for the kind comments. It is nice to have someone who understands!

Hi…I’m new here, feel like I hit “rock bottom” last night. I’ve been scaning this site just to feel “not alone” in this. I read your post and I can so understand how you feel. Its hard at night and when you’re all alone. The anxiety and lonliness creeps in, and the drinking numbs it, it makes that time alone enjoyable. The next day you hate yourself more for doing it, and swear you’re not going to do it again tonight, but you do it because the same feelings creep in. It sucks.
I’m pretty busted up over all this. I just wanted to let you know that I understand those feelings all too well.

Don't feel down, just know that you are not the first nor the last person to deal with this. Life is going to give you lemons every once in a while and you have to know how to deal with it. They will not stop caring for you, they just don't want all the hard work you have put into being the best you can be to go out the window. You have to continue on and allow it to be one day at a time. You should know that being here is a step. don't give up. We are here for you.

What they said..... Hang in the buddy....

So it's Saturday again and I am another week still sober. 2 years at the end of this month. Sometimes I miss it. I am scared and lonely and have to face it all without the help of alcohol or pills to take the edge off.

As badly as I want to go back sometimes I just can't risk people finding out. My biggest fear in the world is not being loved. Sober, I have people who love me and I am so scared of losing them if I start drinking again. But if they really love me, aren't they supposed to love me regardless? Sober or not? Why do I have to be what someone else wants me to be in order to be loved? If there are conditions to the love, doesn't that mean that I am not really loved?

I am so so so so confused!

Hi Tignanello, Congratulations on your upcoming 2 years. It is not unusual for people to become emotional and squirrelly around the time of their sober anniversary. It is great that you are coming here sharing with us but are you also sharing with people face to face about what is going on? If not, then I suggest doing so. Do you have a sponsor? If so, then I definitely suggest talking with them. Keep hanging in there and taking it one day at a time. Keep coming here and letting us know how you are doing. We are all here for you. ((((hugs))))