Hi, I am new to the group and I hope you can help. I was in a relationship with a verbally abusive man. I finally woke up and realized that it had killed who I was mentally and emotionally. My daughters are 4 and 7, and I have put a wall up, even when it comes to my children. I feel guilty all the time because I don't know how to be the mom I was when I first had them. It is like she is gone and I can't find her.
My girls act out a lot since the split, and all I can do sometimes is walk away. I know that I need to be more available to them and maybe the outburst would stop. What really woke me up was when my 4 year old smacked me while I was correcting her.
I don't know what to do, I can't even get them to sleep in their own beds anymore. Can anyone help me learn how to open up and reclaim my relationship with my daughters before it is too late?
How do I impose the discipline to get back the respect I once had? And how do I convince them that they are safe in their own beds???
I love my girls more than I could ever put into words. I want to repair the damage my marriage to their father did to all of us. Can anyone please give me some direction to start, words of wisdom, or advice?
May I ask why the girls don't want to sleep in their own beds? Were they abused in some way by your ex????
It may take a awhile for you to re-establish a new pattern with your girls and to get back to a good place yourself.....but I know you can do it;)
I was married to my kids dad for a very long time. They always slept in their beds, but I know after the split, they had quite a bit of anxiety and were hurting. I found that making a relaxed environment in their bedrooms and spending time, talking, and cuddling with them in their own beds, helped them to associate bedtime as something positive.
It's hard being a single mom and it's even harder when most kids are confused, angered, and hurting from a divorce. I found just staying consistant with a schedule and letting them know that they were/are loved was very important. Just be careful, you don't want to be a pushover and bend on rules because of guilt either. Give yourself some love and some patience while you and your children transition through this phase. Things will get better and you will establish a new and positive routine. If the bad behavior keeps up with the kids, counseling is never a bad idea. You will get through this.....I PROMISE;)
Thank you for your support. My kids were not physically abused by him, but verbally. He would make them stay in their rooms because he didn't want them to interupt his programs. He would also zone out on video games or fall asleep while he was with them. I don't know all of what happened while he was alone with them, but I know he would yell at them a lot. There were times I had to leave work early because he would call so much and tell me how awful the kids were. The funny thing is I didn't have this issue.
He has them every over weekend and usually has his parents watch them. If he has to be with them without his parents I usually get a phone call to come pick the girls up.
I know I can't change the past or how he is with them, but I want my kids to feel secure with me. I have tried taking them in their room before bed and read with them, lay in the bed and talk to them but they still don't stay. As soon as I leave the room they start getting out of bed or yelling for me, saying they are scared, or they just don't want to sleep in there. They share a room, I thought this would help, so they wouldn't be alone.
I am trying to have more patience and understanding with them, which is why I have not pushed the issue too much. Thank you again, I guess all I can do is keep trying.