I’m so lost and broken. I just want to be dead. I can’t find happiness in anything any more. My whole life, my career, the company I work for the city and state I live in all of it was a sacrifice I made for the woman I loved that no longer loves me. For context I live 3000 miles away from where I grew up and where my remaining friends and family are all at. I work with her at the same company, we had also started a business together which I asked to dissolve a few weeks ago because I can’t handle being around or talking to her anymore. She left saying that it wasn’t personal, that she didn’t want anything from me other than to be divorced and now, months down the road as the court portion of the process is starting to playout it’s a totally different story. She’s lawyered up which has caused me to go into debt to get my own lawyer for self preservation sake. She now says she wants alimony even though she works and has a roomate to split her rent and bills with and I fear it’s only a matter of time before she tries to take custody of the kids. I have completely lost my will to live. I can’t bring myself to work or socialize. Even just being around my kids fills me with guilt and remorse. The gym has been my strongest ally for years helping me through hard times and even that has begun to feel like a chor over the past month or so. I don’t want to kill myself but I just don’t want to be alive anymore. Therapy is a scam. They just listen until my times up and cut me off mid sentence to say let’s hold that thought until next week. Offering up stupid solutions like journaling and distraction and finding the good in what I have. None of those things help remotely. If it were that easy I would’ve solved my depression years ago. I’m so lost. How can someone just stop loving you? I’m so full of hate and even still I can’t stop loving her. I want to so badly. I just want nothing more than to laugh at her and move on like shes done to me but I just can’t.
I’ve been through something very similar. Starting in 2017. I’d love to say everything gets better but here it is 2024 and it seems to just get worse every year. All I can say is take care of yourself. Don’t get in another relationship for a while. Get yourself to a point where you can function on your own and just wait for something to happen. Don’t force anything. Do as much as you can with your kids and understand that they see EVERYTHING. They will see your actions. They will see their mother’s actions. And they will make their own decisions based on that. Their future can depend on your actions. No matter what is going on between you and their mother, they need love.
Please don’t say that you want to be dead. Stay strong and be positive. I know it hurts when out of the blue your spouse tells you that they don’t love you anymore or when they email you I love you but I want a divorce. It’s true that many people tell others to move on but everyone is different. Moving on takes time sometimes because even though you physically divorce sometimes you still mentally or emotionally hold on to them. For me it’s been four years since my divorce has been finalized. Journaling is not that stupid. It can help. I know it has helped me process things sometimes.
Take a breath and focus on just getting through to tomorrow. Your words carry strength and reveal a deep pain that only someone who has truly loved and lost can understand. I won’t try to offer hollow words of hope, but instead give you something else to think about beyond everything that feels overwhelming right now.
Your children need you, and I know this without even knowing them. Separating from someone you’ve been so closely intertwined with is unimaginably hard, but it’s possible. You may never stop loving her entirely, and that’s okay. Loving her doesn’t make you weak—it means your love was real and meaningful.
Giving up might seem like a relief, but it won’t bring you peace or make you feel better. What you’re feeling is completely valid—betrayed, isolated, and discouraged. But this will pass. Nothing on this earth stays the same forever. Each day will offer you a little more strength until, one day, you’ll feel functional again.
Keep going to the gym, but maybe ease up on your routine. Whatever activity you can manage will benefit you over time, even if it feels like you’re just going through the motions. You’re not lost or broken—you’re hurt, and that’s normal. There’s no way to fully prepare for an experience like this, so allow yourself some grace. Unfortunately, not all separations end peacefully. But please remember, no matter how difficult it gets, this isn’t the end.
I wish your partner were open to meeting you halfway, but that doesn’t seem likely right now. Keep working, keep living, keep moving, and keep finding healthy ways to process this. Not all therapists are created equal, nor are all relationships. But that doesn’t mean you won’t find a competent therapist or a fulfilling partnership in the future.
Stay grounded. You will overcome this; it will not defeat you. No matter what life throws at you, you are capable of handling it. You may need to live frugally for a while, but remember—nothing is permanent.
Above all, be mindful not to take this pain out on your children. Unfortunately, children often suffer in these situations. Show them love and reassurance that your feelings for them haven’t changed. Be honest with them in a way they can understand, and resist any temptation to speak negatively about their mother—it will only harm your relationship with them later. Do what you can, when you can, and don’t dwell on what you can’t do right now. Although it may be tough, keep living, keep standing, and keep moving forward, even if it’s just one small step at a time.
Wishing you all the best.
I just found out yesterday that my wife of 34 years is filing for divorce from me. I found out that because of something I said to her out of anger she cannot stay married to me. I can’t believe what I said to her because I was angry. I am learning a lot about myself and have realized I have anger issues and need to control them. I am Broken and really hope I can figure out a life without the women I love. I have thought about ending it all also but that is not the answer you will only hurt the ones who still love you even my ex-wife. I need to be more calm and less angry and you need to talk to others it will get better.