Do any of you feel guilty for feeling relief that an abusive spouse died?
Hi T.christine1964, thank you for being here with us. Is this what you are feeling? I haven't gone through this directly, though I am here to offer my help and support. Please feel free to share anything that you feel comfortable sharing with us.
Yes it is what I am feeling,,,thank you for asking. I know that it has to sound bad or in poor taste to speak ill of the dead...especially a "spouse" but I can't help it. I had 21 years with this abusive "man" and he died in 2001after years of being sick and even more abusive than when he was healthy and I still have guilt ridden thoughts about him dying...not only for myself but because of my son who even though he is now 25 I know he has memories of the abusive more so than anything good this man may have done in his life as a "husband" and a "father". Maybe I feel more guilt not because he died but because I stayed with him for so long and was not strong enough for my kids and myself to leave long before he died....I left a very abusive home life only to think this guy was sort of my knight in shining armour when in reality I jumped from the frying pan into the fire. Maybe I gravitated towards another abusive person because that is what I was familiar with...maybe I found some comfort in that kind of person as I really know(knew) no other kind of person. I keep hearing there are wonderful people out there but I have yet to find any so I keep myself isolated with NO friends in fear that if my own parents could hurt me so badly than what could a stranger do to me? Thanks for listening(reading). I hope things in your life are going well and that your compassion is returned many times over.
T.christine, I am just so sorry for what you went through and I don't blame you whatsoever for having the thoughts that you do regarding your husband's death. He caused you so much pain and agony, so knowing that he is gone, brings relief rather than sadness. Would you mind my asking if you are in an abusive relationship now? I just want to make sure that I am understanding correctly. It is up to you to break the cycle, break the cycle of what your parents and husband did to you and to know that there are good honorable men who will love you and treat you with the utmost respect. If you keep tolerating the abuse, then that's what the Universe will keep sending you. If you put your foot down once and for all, and say loud and proud "I do not deserve this, I do not want this" and say "I want a good, kind, loving and caring man". The Universe will hear you and respond. I know that you can have so much love and compassion in your life. I am praying for you.
I have my times on that feeling, my hubby was bi-polar..so with that it was something else..he became abusive at times..to me I think it is part of the process of the loss of him..when i feel like that I try to think he isnt suffering in his mind anymore, just as I also get angry at him..No should judge how you feel, everyone is different on how they deal with death..thats how I feel anyway..hope this helps you some..one day at a time or sometimes a minute at a time..
From Mental & Physical Abuse to Grief & Loss