Do to the abuse, my memory is very bad and foggy. I had a flashback of when my mom shoved me off of her after I tried to hug her but couldn't remember what age I was when it happened. So I had to calculate (literally) different things and dates to find out how old I was: i remember a famous artist had died around the time and remember seeing babysitter crying in front of the tv, this was in 2001. I was 5 at the time I think, based on the calculation. Not related to the death on tv, my mom asked me one day around the same age range, what would I do if she died? I remember I reached in to hug her because I didn't know what to say and she used both hands to shove me away and off of her. It wasn't a violent shiver but it wasn't a polite one either. I was around 5-7 years old and felt really confused and denied after it happened. My aunt, her sister was there at the time and said "Nope" to me reaching in to hug my own mom and then it happened. I've dealt with various acts of abuse at home for years except sexual and even that's questionable thanks to "her" (mom) putting it in my head that my father hurt me by constantly asking me from my childhood up until teenage-hood. I've been side swiped with mental and emotional abuse and some physical so much that I cant remember the years, months, days or my own aged through the years from past events or in general. So when I tell my story its hard to because the abuse has literally taken over my everything, I've been living in a set up and made up world. This is why I'm so afraid no one will believe me that these things have happened and I recently realized I have to write these things down (the memories i start to remember) in case I have to show it in therapy or something. For the past year or more I've been trying to gain my memory back. Even if it means remembering the year of something that was on tv during the moment or around the time of it happening or being uncomfortable during that memory.
I believe you. And I want you to know you've been heard. And I'm hugging you from afar!
Peppermint It is also good to write it down cause u are getting the feelings out. Processing it. And on the way to get thru and let it go.
I have a very distinct memory of every incident of abuse and I promise, it is not doing me any good. Maybe it is in the best interest to not remember those details with such intricacy. But I also used to write down in journal all the counts of abuse and emotional outbursts by my parent at me. It is the only precious item I hold from my childhood because I would never forget what was said and done. Time and dates of the abuse don't matter, what matters is how they made you feel. Remember that because you went through trauma and you deserve the grieving and closure of those bad incidents. I believe you, I hear you, and I hope you find your peace.
@raisedunwanted thank you for mentioning that time and dates of the abuse dont matter, i tend to hassle myself for not remembering the day and so on of when certain things happen because i always feel the need to prove myself. i truly appreciate your comment hearts and thank you again