Does anyone ever feel like you're lying to your loved ones like you're in the closet even though you just have this terrible illness? Also I feel really alone because sometimes, I get gay thoughts and they're vivid and they seem so real, I'm never aroused but my brain tried to convince me I am! Am I alone?
Definately not alone, we all go through them. It's hard friend, it really is. There really is no way to know or explain why or how this happens but that's just something we all have to accept. In the words of @nicogz 'you didn't choose for this to happen to you', it's the same for getting a cold or anything really. What you need to understand is that ocd is a relentless bully and will totally distort your reality. I often find myself doing and thinking crazy things, stuff i'd never have thought before. It's scary not knowing what is real and what isn't. The only thing I can be 100% accurate in saying is that you are suffering a mental illness.