I have been in a abusive relationship for 10 years although the extreme physical abuse didnt start until 5 years ago.The controlling, stalking etc..has been going on forever. I have tried to get out of it for as long as I can remember being in it. He just wont allow that to happen. I am afraid for people to know..so i take it and pretend everythings great. Does anyone have any advice for me? He has keys and axcess to everything i own and a tracker on my car and my phone.The sadest part about my life is I started dating him to get out of a previous abusive relationship. I dont know whats wrong with me. I would love to find a group, because i am even afraid to mention it to a counseler. I live in Atlanta Georgia
Thanks for listening
Dear Msgabby, I am so sorry that you've been going through another abusive relationship and are afraid. You are not alone. I just left my abuser in January and it hasn't been easy, but it IS going to be ok. I would like to say Welcome to support groups!! We are so glad that you are here.
I'm going to ask you just a few questions, if you don't mind, so that me and others can begin to understand your particular circumstances and which steps need to be taken to get you safe and free.
The very first question is going to be, is there anyway that he might be able to track where you've been on the internet and find you here and read what you are posting? We need to be safe in that department first and foremost!!! We don't want to tip him off and make things harder for you. I know there are people here who would have advice about how to stay safe so he can't stop you from getting advice to leave if that's what you choose to do.
I think that the very first thing you should do is call a battered womans shelter or the national hotline numbers as they will be able to direct you too your local agencies to get help. There are plans they will help you with called safety plans. They will also advice you on collecting evidence and getting documents like your birth certificates etc... so you can apply for assistance etc... If you need to leave all of a sudden though becuase your life is in danger, JUST LEAVE and dont worry about the documents.
You NEED to tell someone and you NEED help with a plan to get out. If you are afraid to even tell a councelor, you know that you are in extreme danger. I might sound bossy but I don't mean too. My **** is a very scary horribly dangerous abuser so you aren't going to tell me anything that shocks me. I guess that's one thing I can say is a good thing!! There's not much another woman is going to tell me that's not something I have experienced or continue to experience, even today.
Also, are there minor children involved? If so it's so important to get them out of it. I can see by your post that he has control over everything which isn't rare at all. You DO have rights though and you will find that out as soon as you speak to advocates at the shelters. They will advice you on getting a restraining order and other legal actions to begin your transition to a new life.
Also, you can private message any of us if you feel safer and those messages are not public so he wouldn't be able to see those messages. There are many women here who can help you and give advice and be supportive. I am sure you will begin to meet them shortly!!
And finally, know that you are no longer alone!! We are with you and we care!!! You deserve a better life and you deserve to not be abused anymore. It hasn't been easy but it's been the best thing I've ever done and I will continue to fight for my freedom and rights every single woman I meet who's being abused as well!! NO MORE!!! That's what I say to myself in my bathroom mirror, every single day!!!
Please keep posting and let us hold you up so you can fight. Again we really do care and you found this place for a reason and we are glad you found it!!!
Sending welcoming, understanding hugs, Suzee