i was a virgin until i was 25 (had vaginismus and was very shy around guys though i did date and did other things). I only had sex once with a **** - it lasted 5 minutes and i didnt cum. two years after that i barely dated with nothing more than a peck on the cheek. i met my husband who had sewn his wild oats and was just finishing up doing so while dating me. I had no problem not having had anyone else before him but now that i am in my prime and my tastes have changed in terms of what i find attractive and sexy in a guy (not him anymore) and we had some problems which made me consider divorce at one point in my life i am wondering and very curious as to what it is like with other guys. I dont want a relationship just sex. but i cant do that of course because i am married. yes i have talked to my husband about my newfound desire and the desire to spice things up to it being kinky or at least a little bit kinky but he is very basic with sex and time and time again has told me he has no interest in spicing things up at all. he will if i want to but the desire is not there for him which leaves a lot left to be desired and i find it to be pointless if he is not interested like i am. so we just leave it alone and do a few things that really dont excite me anyway. i like sex with him but its husband sex - i want to be wild and sexy and kinky with some other guy - who is sexy and hot and built. sounds snobby BUT in a way i missed out on a lot and even with dating i missed out (never had an actual relationship - it was all short term and superficial) - so i figure (though i will never get that) if i am going to fantasize being with another guy they may as well be HOT. lol! what i am asking is - am i the only one who has this kind of history????? there isnt MUCH i can do about it unless once in a great blue moon my husband goes along with whipped cream and choc sauce or tying me up. excuse me for being bold about this but whatever - its a sex board. and it is healthy in a way. i am very frustrated and get depressed about this from time to time.
wont ever happen but in a way i wish i could just get a hall pass a few times a year!! just to have that crazy mind-blowing wild sex! ugh!
please dont tell me to keep working on it with my husband - i know! just want to know if i am alone or not
hello sweetjane... i find your post very interesting... i am wild and crazy in the bedroom... but i also have a wife who has cheated on me.... it is good that you talked with your husband about these things... and it is terrible that he wont try new things with you...but to warn you; if you were to cheat... it could absolutely destroy your husband psychologically... my wife had a very short affair... but it is the hardest thing i have ever dealt with... so if your sexual urges are ever more important than another human beings life and mental health.... then go for it... i am not judging because i have thoughts of being with someone else just to be vengeful to my wife... just thought i could help u see something you didnt before... but i do understand sexual urges... and as far as wild sex goes bondage tape... talking dirty.... dominating and control... while moving all around the room... blind folding ect... sooo yes i understand... and everyone has a different history... the question is really... what do you want for your future...??? i thought your post was honest and brave.... i wish you luck and hope that you get or find wat will make you happy...
not even sure i want to try new things with him because sometimes if not most times he turns me off because he can be a **** and nasty to me at times though he apologizes later but still he just does it again. but even thuogh he is good-looking i am not sexually attracted to him at all anymore. its hard to get excited with him. most times i just have sex to have sex. we love each other though so thats good but the sex part is not good. he only made me cum once in a a year and a half. i find it very hard to be able to cum with him and he doesnt try anymore either which is fine most times with me ebcasuse i just want the sex to be over wtih because i would rather go to sleep or literally just veg out watching tv being quiet after dealing with my CRAZY kids all day (one has issues that is very upsetting). i can stay married to him because it works between us and i cant see myself leaving him JUST because of the mediocre sex. i can keep trying but eh. i hope this prime phase passes soon!!!!! i would rather have NO libido!
i actually cry once in a while about this - thats not good. i cry because i get frustrated sexually and then because i think maybe i should have married someone else (i hate saying that because of our kids). he is good for me but i dont think i am good for him but he says he loves me. jsut this sex - im so mad at myself for not going crazy before him. he got it out of his system i am assuming and settled for me - a boring, inexperienced naive girl. i have changed. and its killing me!
sweetjane... i have read your post and here is some advice... if you are unhappy then change what you dont like... and if your marriage is causing you to not want to be sexual with your husband then it sounds like you would rather have him as a friend... you were brave to write your post.... be brave and do what is going to make you happy.... you are the only one who can change how these things are going for you.... lots of luck... and i hope you figure it all out soon... :)
yeah - ugggh!!!!
I am just saying you sound really unhappy... and it is not healthy for you to be stuck in your situation over a long period of time.... If you truly wish for something else... Think of what you can start to do to change them.... because you could be emotionally destroying yourself.... or better yet what do you think you should do besides staying this unhappy... i really do feel for you.... Life is short and you only get one chance at it.... :) Have you told your husband that you would like to be with other men??? and still stay married.... ?? Just take care of yourself and dont let this drive you into a deep depression... hope you figure it out... :)
sorry... if it sounds blunt but i am told i always sound that way..lol but i wish you and all people who are unhappy in their life... happiness...
Sexual compatibility is a very important part of a marriage, or any relationship. If you aren't sexually compatible, and can't seem to become compatible maybe you should talk about seeing other people/divorce.
I think if he is willing to try things (but is not interested) maybe you should go for it anyway, he might suprise himself with what turns him on.
Its very important to be open in a relationship with your sexual desires.
What I often do is bargin (it makes it more fun I think) he gets a bj if I get something sexual I want. Or even he can have anal if he does the dishes three nights in a row. Things like that
Maybe you should watch porn together. I know it sounds weird but I think its a good way to talk about what turns each other on, sometimes couples can be very uncomfortable with that. Maybe he has some secret desires he is to shy to talk about? when you watch porn together you will actually be able to see (if you know what I mean ;-) ) what turns him on.
Ask him about his desires, he could very well suprise you.
I was 24 when I lost my virginity, I was with that guy for three years, then we broke up and I met my husband... the sex is not great, he's not even a great kisser... I knew that when I decided to marry him, but I married him because I know that marriage is not about sex or even about thinking my husband is a stud, I did it because I thought he would be a good husband and father, I did it because he is my best friend... right now he is proving to not be able to be a good husband and father anymore, his addiction has got the better of him, so I am in the process of filing for divorce... but he is still my friend, and I love him.