My fiancee and I have 2 beautiful daughters and in September surprised with the news of twin boys. We were scared and excited but more scared i think that our family was about to double. i was so excited at the thougt that Mike would finally be getting a boy which he wanted so badly. Well November 29th (at 14 and a half weeks) we lost our first son, Malakai. The doctors cannot figure out what happened. While I was in the er already in the process of miscarrying everything was STILL fine. The only issue was the he had already dropped into position. they sent me to labour and delivery expecting i would lose the second. I was alone in the bathroom as I delivered the baby into the toilet...i thought i just had to pee. They kept him attached to me for most of the day waiting to see if the placenta would deliver. it didn't so they finally cut the cord and sent me home 3 days later after rooming me with a mother who was in pre-term labour the whole time.
I was on bed rest and everything was going perfectly with baby number 2 until Dec 14th. i started contracting at 330 am. went to the er and they couldn't find Kalil's heartbeat....our second son had passed...again I delivered him alone into the toilet. it just seemed to get worse from there....i becm angry instead of sad adn just wanted to go home. they gave me meds to deliver the placenta only to have that make me lose so much blood i lost consciousness and had 3 blood transfusions. i had been asking them just to do the D&C since 9 am and they kept refusing. when i started crashing they finally did it at 7pm....
Dealing with it one day at a time....everytime i turn around it seems someone is pregnant or has a newborn in there arms. Does it get easier????? So far it seems everytime i turn around i'm crying or upset. i see them everytime i close my eyes, i hate myself for being to scared to hold them in the hospital...
My angels forever, I love you! xoxo
Always, I don't know the answer to your question but I know how bad you are hurting, I am so sorry that you had to endure this. I have miscarried three babies and after the third we decided to give up on trying to have more children. I have learn to love the ones I have and know the other 3 are in heaven with God. So does it get easier I guess so but you never forget. (((((hugs)))))