Does that 'used' feeling you get from staying with a cheater

Does that 'used' feeling you get from staying with a cheater ever go away? Sometimes the more I try and give the worse I feel? I just hate the doormat feeling.

1 Heart

I think it does. It's been a year and a half for me now. The betrayal is the harder thing for me to overcome.

I sure hope it doesn't . I fight the feeling of am I enough ?? I hate the doubt I have in me .

I think if we are still "with" a cheater it does not go away because there is a constant reminder. Once we get away, I think it is possible to rebuild in the areas that we were so torn down in.

Your H can make it go away. It is really up to him to replace that feeling by genuinely feeling - as well as expressing - how truly grateful he is for that second chance, and that he will spend forever making it up to you.

@after28years what if H is trying - but the walls are up so high you don’t even trust his efforts anymore?

Please tell me that feeling goes away?

As a husband that was used for the last 5 years or so, I can say for me, that feeling hasn't gone away. Now we are divorced, official on 1 May a few months after DDAY#3, I can say that feeling is the strongest feeling I have reactions to. That feeling of being used. I hate it. I hope it goes away some day. Today would have been my 21st Anniv.

@Km27 , I hope you have a good today…Focus on your kids and do something fun today. Don’t dwell on the anniversary date…although it is hard sometimes. I too hope these terrible feelings go away. Take care of yourself…

It's really difficult. I hate feeling this way. I'm really trying. Kids were gone yesterday and last night. I tried to have a nice time and be available to him and stuff. I guess I overdid it. He said he could tell I was "feeling weird." I just texted him and asked him why he said that. I was trying to be what he wanted and he says I was acting weird. He always complained before his affair that I was never physical enough. Last night I sat up for 2 hours feeling used. This is so messed up. I'm so messed up. I've got issues.

It never went away for me. I was never able to accept for even a second that he was with me because he wanted to be. I felt like a stand-in, like a prop, like something to do because he couldn't be with these other women for whatever reason. And, I was probably right. Because as soon as he and my best friend were both single, they jumped in to bed together.

Was he trying? Did you just not believe him?