I have been maried for thirteen years to a woman that I obviously know very little about. We have always had our share of marital problems. Lately I have been working alot to get ahead financially. About a month or two ago my neighbor, a 40 something year old male got a divorce from his wife of 20 years. I did not pay attention to any of this at the time, however I guess there were some signs. Sometime around the beninning of October 2010 I started to notice that my wife was not acting right. We were in a rut in our relationship. She paid no attiention to me anymore and there was no real sex life in our marriage. We have two children a 12 year old son and a 1 year old daughter. Our discussions between one another have become short and we only communicated with one another as a necessity. We recently took a trip to Florida one weekend in September and I thought this was a good sign. I recognized about the second week of October that something was not right. She started talking to the neighbor about setting him up with a girl from her office. I did not see nothing wrong with this. This seemed like a normal thing for a neighbor to do. My wife being neighborly went over one night and cooked dinner for my male divorced neighbor and his son. She told me about it and I thought nothing about it. She seemed preoccupied when I was in town and was always texting someone. One night the curiousity got the better of me and I checked her cell phone. There were hundreds of text messages to my neighbor over about a two week period. I confronted her one Saturday night and she told me they were simply talking about the girl she was going to set him up with. This seemed excessive to me, I knew this was not the case. I told her to give the girls cell phone number to my neighbor and leave him alone. They did not need my wife to arrange a date. I believed at this point the problem was solved. I got called in to work and again went out of town. While I was out of town I checked my wifes cell phone minutes on the cell web site and found that they were continuing to communicate through texting the entire time I was gone. I came home the next day and confronted my neighbor and wife. Both of them denied that there was anything between them and promised to stop this relationship. Now we are having problems, she stays in an angry state of mind and insist that I am the one who needs to seek professional help. I dont trust her anymore. I have checked the cell phone log and they have not communicated as far as I know. The whole thing has turned my life inside out and I have no answers. Does anyone understand this situation?
Welcome to SupportGroups.com. From what you describe your feelings are justified. One does not go else where when they are fulfilled at home emotionally/physically. So you may need to tune in more to what she may be missing. Is she feeling not appreciated, special sometimes???? I've been married 19 yrs. so sometimes one starts feeling taken for granted even just by doing the everyday things, just like you do & a little bit of interest & feeling appreciated goes a long wasy. Women are more about emotions so thats harder on the man cause they are more physical. Try not to let anyone play TARGET PATIENT, both of you would want to have to see this through together in therapy if it cant be resolved talking it out together daily if possible, it can be done, Quality time not Quantity when you are home. Is she lonely?????
All my strengths.
April