Don't know what to do anymore

I have always battled with my weight and have suffered with binging and purging for about 7 years now. When my mom found out when I was a teenager I was able to stop purging I just didn't eat much. About 3 years ago I got put on a new birth control medication that made me gain 30 pounds and no matter what I did I couldn't not lose weight until I had it taken out. After it was removed I was put on phentermine, an appetite suppressant, to help me lose the weight quickly which I did. I would like to lose more weight even though my family don't see the need but because of them I did stop taking the medicine to help me. I am now at the point that I am so scared of losing the weight that whenever I eat anything I have this horrible overwhelming fillin of fullness that doesn't go away until I make myself throw up. I can't tell anyone what I'm going through because I've heard them all make comments about eating disorders just being in someone's head and that if they wanted to they can stop but I can't. I'm in this cycle where I'll eat normally but then I have to make myself throwup then because I did that I decide well I can eat whatever I want because it won't matter. I'm a nursing student so I know how bad this is for my body and the life threateniing complications that can come from it but I still can't stop. I'm want to tell someone but I don't kow who I can and I'm scared someone is going to find out, especially now that I have marks on my hand that won't go away. Does anyone have advice for me?

welcome!! you're definitely in the right place here, you will only find people who understand and support you.

i'm sorry that you're struggling so much with your eating disorder. it certainly is a lot more than just something in your head but outsiders and especially the ones that never bothere to really look into it would never understand that.

any eating disorder is an illness and it needs professional help. have you ever spoken to your doctor about it? do you know if there is any specializes groups or therapists near you?
you say people around you make remarks, does that include family and very close friends?

i really think you need to try find some kind of therapy to get you started on your recovery. bulimia is nothing to mess around with and the sooner you get on it the better.

i wish you all the best and hope you keep posting a lot. this place really is a lifeline (for me) :-)