Don't really know what to say today. Just kinda numb. I feel like most of what I hear (no offense to anyone on here, I appreciate you all) is just the same old rehash just like most of what happens to me. I see the patterns and I change them, but the results don't seem to follow. So I just exist I guess.
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Watch self compassion by Neff on YouTube.
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@aji There’s a lot of good in what she says and I agree with it. I used to be VERY dissatisfied with myself. I used to have VERY strong self-worthLESS conversation with myself. But I have changed. I’m not perfect. But I’ve learned to not blame me for what everyone else thinks of me. Sure, there can be markers there of true bad behaviors IF you’re willing to listen and you are unbiased enough to recognize when you actually ARE exhibiting bad behaviors.
However, most of my depression comes from simply missing being loved or receiving affection from an outside source. And unfortunately, because of my logical nature, there is a LOT of cognitive dissonance there between my understanding that I’m not the root cause of this problem, yet my experience and what tends to happen (or in my case, NOT happen) disagrees a lot. However, I understand that losing faith in other people can make your depression worse and undermine your efforts by putting you in a state of mind where you almost exclusively believe bad things will happen and, in fact, convey that. And although it is ONLY an influence (I don’t believe FOR ONE SECOND you can make up peoples’ minds for them), it seems to be a great one. So not all the pieces are put together yet, but just the knowledge of that I feel is a small step forward for me.
Hi, I hear you 100%. Trust the process ;)
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