Down and outcant get back in

ive done it again, my anger controls me. I get so mad at the things ive done, im so wrong, never said i wasnt.

I get into a discussion or minor argument with my wife, and it always escalates. She rebutes my side, I take it badly as drilling on me. I cant control taking it wrong. I fire back, and so on.... Till i just go crazy. Shes been hit many times. I cant seem to escape the cycle.

The love ive damaged is killing me, the things ive said, and done, hurts. I know i cant undo it, no matter how I try. I know I need help learning control. But now im stuck spiraling down into despair. I cant seem to get into a dr. 3 month waiting list, Im unemployed, no insurance.... I need help. Therapy, something, anything.

I cant mess up the best thing that has ever happened to me. Ive done enuff damage... Please give me some guidance...

Lost in Indiana!!!

Keith

I am truly sorry to hear you are struggling so much. I am angered to hear that you cannot see a doctor for three months when you clearly need and want the help. I think it might help if you had a friend or someone you could email or text when you feel out of control. I have a friend I text when I get out of control and she listens to me and then gives advice about what to do. So far it works. If you have no one like this then I offer to be that person for you. I don't want things to keep getting worse for you. This is my only suggestion as of now. Should I come up with another I will let you know. Let me know if I can help you in any way.

Ashley
=]

thank you for the suggestion, I certainly have begun to talk to ppl more. unfortunatly my family seems to just tell me how ive messed things up, not offer support, or solutions. My gf is a fixer, unfortunatly, I wont ask her to help fix me anymore, since we have had our issues. Its not fair of me to ask her to take what shes taken, then offer suggestions.

I understand. I hope you find something that helps you

WK glad to see u posting and being upfront with your troubles. its not good that u have to wait three months to see someone at all, mayb u should try some physical exercise if u feel your temper climbing, mayb a run or fast walk to use controlled damage limitation.

my husband has a chunk of tree stump and when our children were small he was in the forces so got upset when he came home and he had yet again missed a milestone, he use to go chop that poor stump till he had come to terms with what ever he had missed, now we have grandchildren i think we havent misssed a thing,

i think your family probably feel incapable of helpin u control this emotion, they could b worried that they will make it worse. or they are ignorant of how best to help u evolve from this stage.

wonderwall thank u so much for volenteering to b the support system for WK its fantastic of u to do that

keep posting and chatting

as usual loving thoughts and positive vibes

I understand. I get so mad at the things I had done and wish so much I could re-fix it. But maybe the reason you keep getting mad about your past is you haven't told it to anyone so you can't let go; my therapist told me that.
I hate how doctors are, I think they just care about their money and not their patients.
My case manager told me that anger is built up from being scared and sad. Maybe you should explain how your emotions are effecting you, to anyone who will listen; a family member maybe.

thank you all for the advice. I am still looking for the drive inside to change it all. Overwhelmed is a constant feeling. Im workin on it. no reason to get out of bed is also a biggie. it causes constant issues between my gf and me now. Unfortunatly self let down isnt what i want, but its amazing how you get used to things. Screw up, was a title my dad attached to me long ago. It keeps comming to mind.

oh hon parents do that all the time attache labels to their little darlings, my oldest girl is known as "the bimbo" and she is in her (30`s). for us the name is apt pertaining to her youth,

why not tackle just one thing like gettin out of bed and washed and dressed it will help how u see yourself, and give u a point to start the day.

GO STEP BY STEP.

A DOCTOR WOULD PROBABLY RECOMMEND MOOD STABILIZERS

GET ACTIVE DURING THE AND TRY TO BE PRODUCTIVE.

BE PLEASED THAT YOU WILL SOON BE MUCH BETTER.

STEP BY STEP...QUIETLY........

wkzeigler, I understand your feelings, I researched for 5yrs. on what I thought would be helpful/supportive w/my husband to no avail & had to learn to back off, so try to realize from the other sides point of view that we are hurting inside/angry ourselves cause WE cant fix the problem & know in our hearts that the self-destruction will continue..... I like Domestics ideacan really help relieve some pent-up feelings (in my case it doesnt seem to help him though but we are all different huh) & please keep talking.

Take care of you

April

The first step to changing a behavior is admitting it. You should be proud of yourself that you are posting and listening to all of the great advise offered.I was in several physically and emotionally abusive relationships and one of my husbands went hrough a program called "Men Stopping Voilence". He got in touch with the feeling he had right before he abused me. He felt his head getting hot and he learned to recognize the warning sign and tell me he needed to leave for awhile. He would leave and journel or call someone in his support group. We discussed what he would do beforehand so I knew when he said he needed to leave I said okay. He never felt pressure to stay in an escallating situation. I would call mental health services and tell them you are a danger to others and I am sure you will be able to get in right away. Be very adamant about you being a danger to yourself or someone else and they will see you. The issue of derogatory names for others is never okay and shows disrespect for others and generally a person that doesn't know how to treat others appropriatly...words do hurt! You probably won't change how that person relates to you so concentrate on yourself knowing that your father is most likely a broken soul himself and let it go at that. You are a person worthy of respect.

From Mood Disorders to Bipolar Disorder