Hello, I'm not sure what my addiction can really be called, if it is part of a process or if it is true addiction. Last memorial day my husband left myself and our two kids to begin a relationship with his secretary/cousins's cousin who was 19 at the time. During the summer I had to watch him woo her then live with her for a couple months culminating in her getting pregnant. This was following months of mental torture as I had an idea something was wrong and kept insisting he fire her if he wanted to save our marriage. Long story short, he took his own life in October and I've been rather free with myself since he left. It goes in phases, and I feel dirty and aweful after I indulge my physical needs, generally speaking when I've been drinking. I find I cannot go more than a month of not having sex before i really begin to crave it and have to have it. I have a few that are friends that I've had encounters with so it's out there. I find it the worst when I'm with someone new. That's when I feel poorly about myself and wonder what my kids are going to think of me. I have already slipped and was caught in an act by my daughter. She also hears things at school and I'm just besides myself. I'm committment phobic, I don't want one..I do not want to answer to anyone. The thought of a relationship makes me physically ill. I feel dead inside and the encounters do not help with that. I want to stop and have respect for myself, my body, and be a mom that my kids can be proud of. I've heard of promiscuity following a divorce and suicide, but now I've gone through both..so how can I refocus on productive uses of my energy? I try to keep forgiving myself and do not understand why it's so hard to do positive things vs. negative.
oh dear, Well i am sure you can claim so kind of cash because of the way your life had impacted you? try set your mind on working to a certain goal, i do this many of times because every time i go out i have to look at my hands and arms and i can feel the underneath wounds (self inflicted) so yeah, i set my minds on different goals each day. These goals are going to be something that you will enjoy, give you an adrenaline rush and gets your motiv going, then you find yourself you can do other things in this state, sometimes you will go through phases on guilt and all that. I know where you are coming with the sex, Maybe your releasing to much oestrogen? try go to your doctors and see what they can do, There may be too much flowing, causing you to have outbursts of sex crazed madness. I have experienced what you have with sex, soon i realised it was hormones and i have ways to tackle these hormones.