Sorry ive not been here in a while, i have been busy with work and this and that...kids and hubby and house and etc.
OMG the last couple nights I have had HORRENDOUS dope dreams, I have been clean of meth since July of 2009 although i have had a couple one day slip ups involving cocaine and ritalin/adderall. But I have not even had a slip in that way since last summer.
The one last night it was like, have you ever seen the movie "Spun". Crazy **** like that. Idk where it came from but i was with this girl and her house was all trashed out and we had to climb up in the attic and we were doing drugs there and then one of my friends who i used to get high with and she is still struggling was there. She was smoking it and i was snorting and then smoking it, it was awful. I woke up shaking. I felt it in the dream, i felt it like it feels to actually DO it. It was vivid and i will not say more of it to avoid triggering anyone who might read this but i am just going to say it has got me on edge and the distant memories of it are right there now. It is sharp and clear in my mind and i remember, i remember it ALL exactly, and i am ashamed and horrified.
I dont know what is bringing it on but i wish it would stop. There must be some stress I am feeling but i am not sure what it is. I have actually been doing better, a LOT better, I am on an antidepressant and a med for ADHD and I feel more confident and in control than I have in ages.
I guess it is just one of those things, a little torture. I have not had such a dream in quite a while.