During times of intense suffering, what were some of the mos

During times of intense suffering, what were some of the most helpful things someone may have said to you that helped you feel a bit better?

1 Heart

For me, none, I am the only one who can pull myself up. It's harder everyday.

1 Heart

I guess I would find that surprising since you are on a support site. I would think you are on here in order to obtain support which would suggest you cannot pull yourself up on your own.

When someone listens to you well, it makes you feel accepted, understood, important, valued and validated. It gives you a voice to help you find yourself again. It reminds you that you are not invisible or alone. Although we hear with our ears, many of us don’t necessarily listen to what is being said. We don’t get the chance to listen when we are too quickly reacting, judging, providing solutions and disagreeing, rather than being a good sounding board. We also don’t get to see a lot of examples of real listening because it is so rare.
So what does it take to be a good listener?
It starts by realizing how important and powerful this practice can be. Realize that it’s all about the other person. If you can put aside your own agenda, you’ll be able to focus on really hearing/listening. When you are an active or mindful listener, you are fully present, not thinking about the past or the future. With full concentration, you can recognize it is not what the facts are, but what people think the facts are, which is truly important. There is benefit in learning what someone else’s concept of the reality of the situation is. Check in with yourself: Are you aware of your focus level? How long can you concentrate without your thoughts drifting off? Good listeners not only concentrate on the words, they also look for nonverbal communication like pitch, tone, and rhythm. Look for the hidden feelings behind the words, find what might inspire, excite, and free them. Be curious and ask questions to get more information, “How do you feel about this? How would you resolve this?” Paraphrase what you hear to confirm you understand.

3 Hearts

Very well said. And yes, paraphrasing what you heard to the person can be helpful. The term some use to refer to this is reflexive listening. This helps to assure the person who you are listening to that you are indeed listening and you want to understand etc. Also, this can help you insure that you are hearing them correctly as while we might hear them say one thing we might be misunderstanding them to a degree. Thanks for sharing. A lot of wisdom in what you wrote.

I'm sorry I wasn't clear (languague barrier doesn't help it either, I'm french), I need help, I just haven't find the right one yet.

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@Merryway ok. im sorry. I understand.
I’ve actually been trying to learn french. I was practicing it a bit last night in montreal. Feel free to speak french if you want and i will work on interpreting it.

I do understand how hard it is to find someone to help. Many people ive talked to have hurt me when i share my depression problems. I think this site helps in that many people on it have suffered a lot and can tend to be better comforters than other people, even professionals.

Just someone taking an interest in me is a boost. Like getting a.. how are your doing... and actually having someone care about the answer.

1 Heart

@ThingsiExplore I totally understand. I think one of the keys is when people help us feel valued and appreciated.

You are brave and strong, as you have been before and now, you can get through this

You can be anybody or anything you want to be