Dying to be thin?

Lessons learned from the past three funerals I've been too in the past few weeks...
Why are we dying to be thin? Eventually, when u die, the drain your blood and 'fill you up' w/ chemicals and food coloring.

It's not worth your life...in the end they'll just blow you up anyway.
Kinda morbid. Very true.

So tell me again, why do we torture ourselves?

LA...there are many answers to this question, but I see the common underlying issue to be feelings of worthlessness. This comes from any number of messages or experiences we may have had.
Learning to appreciate who we are, for our differences and our unique qualities is one possible help for this, but it takes time and usually professional guidance.

None of us deserves to be tortured, least of all by ourselves....how are you doing?

Take care,

Jan ♥

that is the thought i had last night--what the hell is the point???? oh wait-there is none... it is crazy really what we do to be thin. i mean, and if we were to get to thin, what the hell would change ? nothing cause we would still be sad... so it doesnt even get us anywhere..but dead...

there is no point, it is all just a horrible disease---that makes you do things to bad things to your health to be thin. amazing. like jan said and i agree--(ive always said this) it is the disease of self hatred. only ones who hate themselves so much would allow torture into themselves to CHANGE THE DYNAMICS OF WHO THEY ARE!

you know what it is like? it is like, dying to be tall! changing our body is like that! it is like, OMG--i want to be tall--let me KILL myself just to be tall! ahhhhhhhh! see how weird that sounds? its just ED warping us up... we cant change our body size just as we cant change our height--it is no different. would we die just to add inches to our height---ok, so then why are we dying to be thin? there is no reason... at all. really...excpet self hate....

it is like trying to change your eye color...you just cant . you what you are... you cant go life thinking--oh wait--what if i had deep blue eyes, then id be happy! let me kill myself for blue eyes.... it doesnt make sense, really when you think about it....

it reminds me of what chinese women do for small feet( the wrap their feet till they shrink) and then those women end up crippled, it is NO DIFFERENT to ED. in our quest for being thin, we are crippling ourselves --for no point really... just to be thin? hmmmm it is weird, i agree LA.
hell, we can get to thin and still nOT be happy...so WTF?

it also reminds me of women in the asian countries who bleach their face white just in the name of beauty. in the name of beauty! ughhhhh, they end up being deformed from burning their skin off, thus left disfigured...
thats beauty??? is it really???

thin was never beautiful to me anyway, i was only brainwashed into thinking it was. i have never ever liked the thin look ever, it is sooo not appealing to me whatsoever. i really really do not like the thin look at all. one bit... i only feel i have to be that way by soceity. but i dont like the way it looks. so, i have to stand up for wht i like , and not give in to the dumb views of some wierd people. why do that? why doesnt what i think matter?

i think curvy and healthy is beautiful like the days of the 40's and 50's. now that was beuatiful. the days were women were allowed to have curves( imagine--allowed to have curves!) and considred beautiful for it. it is only a weirdo who would think curves arent beautiful because that is the way a woman was designed--to be curvy. puberty is a normal part of becoming a woman..you should not feel bad for going thru puberty, you know???

so thats what i think---curvy is pretty...way prettier..

and even though im a little overweight right now, well,im trying to deal with it( not easy but hey)...i mean, my fiancee loves it so, LOL im thankful for that.... he doesnt like skinny( neither do i)).

what matters is that we are safe, healthy , and happy and thankful for what we have : house , food, shelter, clothes, loved ones....

that is what we should be thankful for....

thanks for letting me rant--LOL!

love
maureen

thanks Jan and Maureen -

such amazing insight.... it def makes me think. I just hate feel like I've been sucked back into it... i updated with a journal post.

thanks living art!!!!!

merry christmas!

love
maureen

Living art, you make a very valid point, i bet that was an eye opener indeed.

It is so true..I am my own worst enenemy. Sure tapes play back in my head from my past, but I let them. The ED takes over even more, puts me down and sucks me in. People keep throwing me life jackets, but I grab on for a short while and then let go. Why? I feel like I am not worthy, not good enough and by losing weight I feel like I am doing something good. Something people will notice as good...but they dont. Quite the opposite actually. Which gives me even more mixed emotions. Frustrated with myself..and then down on myself even more for Fing up AGAIN...the usual pattern. Why is it that we feel we are not worth anything in life? How do other people manage to get through life liking themselves? My therapist told me I need to love myself....why??Why would anyone want to love me I thought? Certainly not me..I know the real me and if everybody else did they would not like me either. But they see the kind, giving, caring person that I really hide behind. So when does it all end? Why do we put ourselves through this? I just have to keep grasping for that life jacket right now and believe that there is a better life out there. I life without this **** ED. I used to think that recovery was not possible but I met some really great people who are truly recovered and for now that gives me hope. So I am trying to hold on to what they say is true because I know my head isnt quite right about to many things right now. They keep telling me that the thoughts will lessen as I get closer to my goal. The problem is..it is their goal not mine, but for now I keep trying. Sorry for babling so much but just so confused as what to do next. Really my whole life is a stake. Is losing my whole career worth keeping this ED? It must because I still have it and I am running out of time. ED isnt going to pay the bills..actually has cost me too much money with medical bills. But really what is it going to take?

Its reallu true that we sometimes are our own worst enemy.

thanks LA for this moving, great, wise, post....

love
maureen