EDs games

For the last 2 weeks I have thought I was pregnant. My husband and I started planning and were very excited at the thought of starting a family together. While I was nervous initially about the idea of gaining weight, withing just a few days I found myself looking at my body differently and treating it really well. I have been exercising and eating lots of healthy food. I even cut out caffeine during the last week!
I took a pregnanacy test early this week and it was negative but we didn't give up hope because it was early. This morning I took another one and it was negative again which means I'm late but apparently not pregnant. Its still minutely possible but only time will tell. I'm insanely emmotional right now and ED is trying to crawl right back in. During the last 2 weeks I have been preparing mentally for having to gain weight. Immediately this morning my mind went back to, okay its time to get back in weight loss mode (the only reason I am even able to conceive now is because I have gained this weight. I went 7 months last year without a cycle because of this crazy disorder)! Why does ED have to pick such awful times to make me feel so bad? I guess its a good sign that I had to be this vuulnerable for him to find a way in. I now realize that I have more work to do before I am ready for pregnancy. Hopefully within another year I can make the commitment.
ED sucks!
Thanks for reading.

oh my goodness!

I am so sorry to hear this emotional rollercoaster you are riding! I'm sure it is not easy at all... but thinking about how good you felt about taking care of your body because you thought you were supporting another life... what a powerful concept. Do you think you could continue in that direction KNOWING that your bdy needs to be healthy in order to even get pregnant?!?

That alone would be a powerful motivation towards recovery!

Thnking of you!

britt...thank you for sharing your personal pain. I can relate to how the ED will try to always destroy your joy and best intentions. Please don't believe it when you may begin to believe that it's not worth fighting for your recovery, because it is! And YOU are!
I know it's hard to keep a positive outlook, but I like what LA wrote about focusing on the importance of sticking to a recovery plan and not falling back. Your body needs to be strong and stable to support another life.
Your chances for conception and giving birth to a healthy baby will only get better the longer you are taking care of yourself.
You are right..ED sucks! But you can keep fighting!!
Please take care....Jan