EEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKK- 9 days of no contact and he has text saying he loves me! I've not replied... Why oh Why and the point is what ?
To suck u back in and use u some more
@iwillgetout so wrong! They make out its what they want … And then play a game
Cuz hes a nutjob. U certainly don't need to get caught up in his pathetic drama. They all act like little girls. Stay NC. Its ur only riad to sanity and a healthy life
I'd love to say to him Whats the matter with you... ha! but he'd say its all your fault!
@Travelgal Too true. Like a Hoover seeking dust he seeks to suck you back in I really don’t think they can help themselves. HIs brand of “love” is toxic and will only bring you down. NC all the way!
READ AND SHARE WITH OTHERS~ SO TRUE,
STOP the damaging messages once and for all! This is abuse and a fake reality you were brainwashed into believing WAS your reality!
When you go through this abuse and start on your way to recovery there are so many different directions that your mind travels. All of this is because we have so many distorted messages from the Narcissist’s abuse that has disabled our basic reality or how we view ourselves as well as how we view life in general.
The important thing here is that we need to step it up as far as acknowledging our own hurt and realize the damage that was inflicted onto and into us and separate reality from abuse. It is inevitable to grieve under normal circumstances, but it is imperative that we allow ourselves to grieve over the reality and hurt from this psychological abuse and not compromise ourselves in the process. We can’t allow the many distorted messages from this Narcissist to hijack our brain and believe we were to blame, or that we are mentally ill or better yet deserved this. NOR can we allow the real world to make us feel that somehow we were weak or crazy to allow this as well. We have to deal with the pain, and it comes from many different directions, and most of them are just not typical or normal because it is abuse. We need the education to understand what we were dealing with so we don’t only get hung up on the emotions AND that starts with NO/minimal CONTACT!
Add to this that some people believe that targets/victims who enter into and stay in abusive relationships have a mental illness or something very wrong with them as if they knew that the person they are with is abusive. Otherwise, why would a target/victim stay with someone who verbally, emotionally and psychologically abuses them? But mental illness is not the diagnosis that should ever be attached to targets/victims of this abuse nor does it give a viable and real explanation as to why they stayed in the relationship. Emotional/psychological abuse is horrendous and insidious within its power to slowly and seamlessly seep into the relationship and creating a cycle that can keep targets/victims entrenched and feeling stuck.
Remember how insecure you felt throughout the relationship with your Narcissist. No matter how many times he/she said that they loved you, you really had your doubts and now the truth lies squarely in front of you. Unfortunately those abuse messages keep shouting out at you and you believe that this is somehow your fault! Whether the message is that you feel you are to blame or you feel foolish about having accepted a mentally disordered person into your life, the message is negative and you are holding onto uncertainty and some sort of blame! But you have to sort out the many distorted messages and see the reality of a battle that was waged against you by a destructive Narcissist. THEN once you get this you must completely leave the Narcissist behind as if they never existed because they never did. Nobody but YOU will get this and that is all that is important. What was done to you was done in private, and to have anybody other than another target/victim ‘get this’ will be too incredulous and you will only feel invalidated by what will amount to simple words telling you to just move on, or time heals all wounds. These are not simple wounds these are deep and infectious wounds that have spread all throughout your mind and body!
It all begins in the devaluation phase where tension in the relationship rises through misleading communication, extreme manipulation, passive-aggressive behaviors, fear, isolation and the target/victim’s attempts to fix these issues and modifying their behavior to avoid the abusive outbursts and attacks from the Narcissist. After the Narcissist has emotionally and psychologically managed the target/victim down then they (the Narcissist) initiates ANOTHER honeymoon period, or a time of reconciliation where the Narcissist MAY apologize, shows affection, and makes claims that things will change and even get better and the rage, etc. will never happen again. The Narcissist may even ignore that the verbal/emotional abuse occurred, but there is at least a feeling of calm, a lack of tension in the relationship for now BUT that will change and that tension will begin to rise again and the cycle repeats itself. This cycle can take anywhere from days to months to a year to complete.
Because abuse is not always apparent or present in the relationship, the target/victim believes that perhaps it will be different this time and things will get back on track again. Maybe the Narcissist’s remorse is genuine this time, and maybe things will finally work out again just like it was in the beginning. The target/victim often holds on to that hope because the perpetrator is showing enough remorse, affection, and love to make him/her believe that things might actually change THIS TIME. It may also be that the target/victim doesn’t recognize the dynamics of a healthy relationship. If he/she grew up with parents who engaged in abusive behaviors toward each other or the children, he/she may believe this is just normal behavior just like what they experienced when they were younger and abused. This is abuse from a mentally disordered person, that is the real message here and the truth! Take your power back by educating yourself with the truth! No/minimal contact!
I wouldnt reply if i were you. He is literally just doing it to get back into your head. Youre better than that and sure you may love him but if you reply he will think you cant be without him when you can! X
Don't believe it! Just stay NC- please!
The narcissists are assured a reserve supply to feed their egos is on hand, in case they ever run low.
Keep up the NC It is driving him crazy, that's why he's texting you that he loves you. For a change you are making him crazy instead of him making you feel crazy!!
Wrongen springs to mind. So far I'm ok. Tears welled when I saw it. But I've pulled my head out of my arse. House work and dinner tonight and going out on girls night tomorrow X
@Travelgal That’s good. Keep busy. Can’t you block him? You don’t need to be reminded of it constantly. Go total NC. Block everything, facebook, text, EVERYTHING
I stopped paying the cell phone bill. It is under his name, and when we first met, he bought me new phone and put on his bill. I got my new phone in today.....So, just waiting to see if he will pay the phone bill. It will get shut off, I am no longer subscribing to the Narc Magazine anylonger....F-ck him
I'm ok I'm coping. I think I am :-) I'm going to write a new list or post its and stick them everywhere to remind myself X
That's such a good idea. I don't know why I never thought of that! You will do amazingly x
What will his next move be if I don't reply will it get worse? Will he up his game for a bit?
@Travelgal In my opinion no- I say that because of only my experience- he will keep trying but it will get less and less- i’ve been at nc over 3 months- and at first i kept getting texts now there slowing down- because I’m not giving him the time of the day anymore- before when I didn’t know about narcs- I would have gave in and contacted him and been back at the same bull $hit…
I dont think it will make a difference. He doesnt deserve you and if you give in then you will be back in the postition in a few weeks/months and wonder why you let him do it.
Honestly give it your hardest not to reply and i if youre struggling then speak to everyone on here
It is hard and you're right ! It's sad really I wonder if they are conscious of what they are doing ?