Emotional Affair

Recently my husband and I started to lose our way. I felt like I couldn’t talk to him and that when I was around him I was annoying him. He was losing his temper faster and could be rude sometimes. I also knew that I was keeping him awake at night as I had started snoring. I felt guilty that I was keeping him awake and knew he was exhausted so felt I couldn’t complain about our distance. It was bothering more and more and noticed he was no longer reaching to hold my hand and he wasn’t hugging me. I started to notice he was on his phone and if I woke during the night he would put his phone away.
Just the other day I looked and found messages to another woman. They were writing to each other for about 2 weeks. They started talking more intimately every day. I couldn’t believe what I was reading. He was always so open and honest, always told me that I could look at his phone and that he would never do that to me. I was so numb reading the messages. He told her things that he used to say to me. He called her names that he called me.
He was up in bed at the time. I went to the room got my things to go out and he followed me because he knew something was wrong. I confronted him about it. He said no at first but came clean. He said it was a moment of weakness, that he was very down and depressed and felt so alone because of the distance between us. He has said sorry and that it meant nothing and that the words he said to her was what he wanted to say to me and that they were empty saying it to her. He said he just needed attention and in his weakness she messaged him and he made a mistake. He has slept on the couch since he said he knows his place and that he knows I need space and he will be patient.
I am so heartbroken. I haven’t eaten in days I have a headache all the time and I cry constantly. I want to work this out because I understand that we both had a hand in this happening. I told him I won’t take the blame for this but I know that I pushed it as well.
We have spoken about it a few times. I want us to get through this and he is saying that he knows I need time and he will give me that time and will be patient. He has told me he already messaged the woman to stop talking to him. He has unfollowed her and he has told me that he won’t talk to her again. I want to believe him so badly because he is my best friend and the only man I ever loved and I can’t imagine life without him but my mind keeps thinking he is still talking to her. When his phone lights up I think it’s her or when he is by himself I think he is in contact with her. Also I keep thinking that if we try to fix this, in the future we might have hard times and I’m terrified he will go back to this. I keep thinking he is telling me he loves me to not hurt me more but that inside he has chosen her. That he no longer loves me and is just doing this to try to help me.
I feel terrible that I want to keep checking his phone and I want to ask who is texting or what the notifications are from. I want to know everything that was said and sent between them but keep thinking if I am making it worse bringing it up all the time.
I am so lost

If he continues to deceive you and you’re aware of that, keep an eye close to the signs. Words don’t mean anything.

I am so sorry to hear about this happening to you.

As a child, I witnessed my Father having an affair on my Mother.

From an outside stand point, I would like to applaud you for how you handled the situation. A lot of times, our emotions get the best of us and we instantly seek revenge to satisfy ourselves in the moment.

Although you may have grown distant, him seeking the comfort in another woman instead of seeking help to repair your relationship speaks volumes about something going on internally within HIM!

I definitely believe that you both can get through this but he has broken sacred trust and unfortunately It’s so HARD to get back once it’s broken.

I would suggest that your husband seek out counseling by himself and you as well and then after a time, you both get counseling together.

You both need to heal your wounds from this experience before you can heal, together….

Hope this helps :white_heart: