Hi there,
I'll try to make this messy, long story as short as I can..
The Addict:
My best friend of 25 years. We are now both in our early 40's. And he's on meth. He has been in and out of rehab and prison for years and years. His family is full of addicts and enablers...he has never held a job for more than a month or two. Twenty years. The last time he worked was over a decade ago. So how does he support himself?
The Enablers:
His family. He wakes up at noon, spends his days looking looking for tricks online then brings them to his bedroom in his parents home. His very frail grandmother, who owns the house, locks herself in the bedroom because she is afraid of the men he brings into the house.
Every week he meets a new stranger (or two or three, if he's lucky) to sleep and do drugs with. Unless the law catches him, he never has any consequences for his actions. Well, and reality. A gay meth addict sleeping with strangers? Yes, he is HIV postive.
Me:
He's my friend, my best friend. I love him. I've seen the best and worst of him. I've tried to be there for him, to be loving and supportive as I can be.
Until now.
My Rock Bottom:
Last Monday night was his birthday. Though tired from working a long day at work, I went to pick him up for dinner. As soon as he got in the car it was clear. He had relapsed. Again. And he reeked. Of everything. I ignored it because, well, I'm an enabler. That's what we do. Ignore the elephant tapping you on the shoulder, smelling up the car.
Dinner was uneventful until he started texting someone. He was texting drug dealers. When the waiters brought his cake out to sing happy bday, he was gone. It was me and an empty chair. I was humiliated, angry and FED UP.
It's now Thursday. I've taken a step I've never taken before. Cut him out completely. I deleted him from my email, my facebook, my phone, my life.
I simply don't want any more contact. There's no fanfare, no drama. I'm just done, finally done.
Every thing I've ever read instructs friends and families of addicts to be there for them. Set boundaries, yes, but ultimately, be encouraging and supportive. Be superhuman, you.
Well, not me. I don't have it in me. I don't want to be encouraging and supportive to someone who doesn't care.
Am I allowed to have feelings, to be angry, to be fed up? Because I am.
I'm taking my life back.
And he's not going to be a part of it.
I feel free. Sad. Numb.
But free.
Letting go is both easier and harder than I thought it would be.
But I know it's the right thing to do.
And I'm at the place now where all I care about is, well, me. Can you believe I just wrote that? We aren't supposed to say that!
But I did. I'm putting me first and what's right for me, first.
It feels really good actually. I'm done being an enabler.
Thank you so much for reading my story. I needed to get it out of my system and I really appreciate your time.