i tell myself I'm going to STOP eating when I'm full and somehow I ALWAYS overeat -- usually ORDERING DESSERT and then feel guilty about it all.
I just don't know when this cycle will ever END
I simply do NOT know how to stop and put the fork down.
Ive tried eating slower, putting my fork down, telling the waiter to pack half the dish, etc..
nothing seems to work,
I'm so tired of this.. and
of course when i overeat it typically brings more b/p episodes whenever i get alone... regardless if i ate at a restaurant DURING LUNCH and i'm only by myself at DINNER time..
the thought lingers through the day... well after my food is ALREADY DIGESTED and i'll typically b/p later that evening.
tired and disgusted with myself.
caroline :(
Hi Caroline, please don't be disgusted with yourself, you are here and we will get you through this. I understand how you are feeling all too well, because I have been there. I think that you have everything that it takes to get through this, but most especially so much inner strength and the want to change. For me, it was really taking it meal by meal, step by step, day by day in order to really make a change. It most certainly didn't happen overnight. You have to look at this as a bad habit that you need to slowly but surely work to break. For me, I always had problems with portions, even up until a few years back. I took the time to really start making a habit of only putting so much on my plate and only eating that amount. If I am at a restaurant, I never eat the full amount because they always serve larger portions. If you order dessert, that's okay, there is nothing wrong with that, look at it as a treat. The key here is to start developing a healthy relationship with food on the whole, looking at it as nourishment for your body, but to also be able to enjoy your food.
Also, is there something in particular that triggers you to b/p? Is there something going on in your life that you are not happy about? For me, I had to get to the root cause and then worked my way out of it and developed a healthy relationship with food.
thanks again puppydoglvr.
i agree that desserts should be a treat and we all deserve them every now and again...
i donºt want to live such a restrictive life that i donºt ENJOY life!! life is MEANT TO BE ENJOYED... so why am i not enjoying it to the fullest with this disease??
i seen happy on the outside but maybe thereºs something iºm not able to tap into? i have 2 awesome kiddos, a great and solid bf iºve been with for a long time, a good job, and happy home life... i donºt know what else i could ask for!!??
i have hobbies and interests ..
WHATS wrong with me puppydoglvr???
iºm not sure what triggers my bp other than PURE GREED for foods sometimes and sometimes stress i suppose. everytime iºm stressed i use it as an "out" for myself to go eat a lot and then barf...
thanks again...
how are you doing these days? thanks for yoru responses,...
caroline
oh and 1 more thing puppydog lvr...
i do have the classic bulimic perfectionist frame of mind with lots of OCD built in... i guess thatºs also part of the disorder?? i just havenºt been able to figure what the bottom line is to why i do this to myself... and neither has therapy unfortunately.
wonder how much longer i have to wait... iºm only been doing this for 15 to 20 years... aghhhhhhhhhh.
thx for listening.
caroline
You are who God says you are. You are beautiful, royalty, valuable, and a daughter of the king. Your behavior does not define you- who you are is who God says you are. Your past failures and the failures of others toward you are wiped away clean- because Jesus suffered on the cross so we do not have to. He took on the sham- guilt and all the feelings of negativity that the enemy tries to bring against you. The voids inside can be fill by Jesus Christ alone- things of this world cannot fill those voids. Food, drugs, people and the like are temporary- and will fade away. God cares and understands every hurt you have inside and loves you- as you run to Him- and ask Him for help- He will be there and heal those areas of your heart that Satan has tried to steal from you. Guilt, shame and negativity does not come from God- it comes from Satan- he is a liar. We cannot earn God's grace- we are who He says we are- not what the world, and what satan says we are. When thoughts or feelings come that says you are worthless, or fearful, or anxious or the like- that is not from God. He says that you are valuable, and he has not given you a spirit of fear- but power love and a sound mind- and to cast your axieties on Him because He cares for you. He loves you- and He died for you and all of us- He defeated satan- and you have the victory- God is greater than circumstances and feelings- He is there for you- with open arms anytime. He loves you, and He will never leave or forsake you. Run to him- He is our father and best friend- and as you accept him- you are seen by who Jesus is- not who we are. Jesus is perfect- we are not- Jesus never changes- our feelings and circumstances do- you are beautiful- because of His beauty and you were created by him- and unique with special gifts-lean on Him- He is greater in you than things in this world. Your past is gone- and God has your back. He loves you. Never give up. You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you. Feed your soul hunger with the word- Song of Solomon " Oh how beautiful you are my darling there is no flaw in you." That is how the creator sees you- and he does not condemn- satan does. You are valuable. That is a promise from God.
Caroline, I know that you can overcome this and come out stronger and better on the other end of it. It's truly taking very small steps towards overcoming your ED. I know that its been a part of your life for a very long time, but that doesn't mean that you can't overcome it. If therapy isn't working for you, then can you start looking into other options at this time. Have you ever tried proper treatment? Or even a local support group? As well, does your therapist specialize in EDs? Please know that I am here for you.