Excitednervousanxiousscared for college

Today I got my very first feeling of "oh my goodness, college is starting again soon". I got my room assignment! I know I am a sophomore but I switched campuses, and it will be the first time away at college where my boyfriend won't be there. I am a little nervous.

On one hand I finally get to really start my nursing courses, which is so exciting! And I love the campus I am at and where my room assignment is. And to top it all off, I will be away from my parents who really trigger my ED behaviors. College last year was a whole year free of ED (for the most part) and it was amazing!

On the other hand I have a real roommate, and I don't know her yet. What if we don't like each other? Or what if she likes to party all the time, because that is definitely not my thing. Another thing is no one is there to watch my eating behaviors which makes me nervous also. On one hand I won't be pressured to eat certain things by both family and my boyfriend which can be good and bad. Ill be able to eat what I want without feeling judged about it, or pressured to over eat, and maybe that will help my recovery. But I am scared that my ED could get worse since no one is there to watch my behaviors and I won't be forced to eat because no one there will care. What if I don't even notice my eating behaviors getting strange again when I am there?

Sorry for the ranting...There is just too many what ifs in my head. And I am not sure how I feel yet about the upcoming year and change it brings.

allee

I am currently living on my own and doing the best I've ever done just because I'm now in control of my own choices and consequences whereas when I lived at home or was in treatment centers I tended to not do well because I felt controlled by others- but it's different for everyone- some people do struggle more on their own. But I think that it is normal for you to be having mixed feelings about going back to college. I think that it is great that you already know that you want to become a nurse- I'm older than you and I still don't know what I want to be! Also I just have to say I think it's great that you don't party much because I believe that alcohol and drugs can really mess up your ability to stay on track with your food- when I first went off to college when I was 18 I did nothing but drink and drug for 2 and a half weeks before I got kicked out and it really messed everything up. I know you'll probably have your laptop there so just keep posting when you get there and keep us updated!

Hi Allee, you're in a very similar position to how I was when I first moved out of home - weighing up whether moving out would have a positive or negative impact on my recovery from the ED. I also thought that the positive side of this would be that I would have more control over what I ate and how much, I wouldnt be pressured by anyone to eat certain things etc and I had hoped this would mean I would make my own sensible choices around food and excersise. Unfortunately, in my situation, the independance and new found control that I had around these areas weren't developed in the right way. I ended up falling back into my old habits of severely restricting my calories, "choosing" to eat overly healthily and excersising too much. Basically I wasn't ready to be given that responsibility to keep myself healthy, I hadn't become a strong enough person to ignore the influence of the ED in my life. I'm not suggesting that you will experience the same thing, I just want to warn you that YOU (and not the ED) really need to be strong and able to make the RIGHT choices that will HELP not hinder youre recovery. In hindsight what I should have done, and what I suggest you could do (just in case), is set up a support and accountability team. Have someone who you can contact and talk to if you ever start to feel as if you are struggling and slipping back into the unhealthy habits of the ED. Also set up a system that holds you accountable for keeping healthy and making the right choices. Maybe a fortnightly appointment with a Dr to be weighed and discuss food and excersise habits, maybe a councellour that you check in with regularly, or even a friend or family member who contacts you regularly to ensure you are OK. I know all this might sound extreme, but trust me, the demon that the ED can use your new situation to try and get back into your life and control you again. These are just a few practical ways you could make sure you continue to progress in the right direction.

All the best, let us know how you get on :-)

Simone

Allee...thank you for sharing. You certainly have a lot of new things coming up in your life! This is good, but also frightening, I'm sure.
Remember what is important to keep yourself able to face these new challenges...your meal plan can be your anchor through these uncertain times...YOU have control over eating to keep yourself safe.
Thinking of you...Jan ♥

Allee,

I agree with Jan; your meal plan is your rock. Follow it carefully! I know the tendency to slip into old behaviors during stressful life-changing times, so hang on to that plan. It will keep you safe if you work it. :)

Living away from family... Mmmm.... I got sick with my parents. I got sicker on my own. But I am also recovering on my own. I think this CAN be done regardless of WHERE you are. :) The important thing is to continue working on recovering from the ED. If only I had gotten that help sooner... I might have learned healthier ways to cope than to eat myself numb or starve myself skinny. There are much more affective ways of dealing with stress. ♥ Like writing here! Following your meal plan. Bubble baths. Pedicures. Soothing music. Or LOUD music. ;0)

Hang in there, Allee... You're doing very well! :)

Love,

Jen

I could totally relate to your situaiton because I will also be moving away from home again this year, going into my sophomore year too at college. I feel similar to the way that you do about how your ED will be at college. Last year, since it was really my first time being on my own and becoming independent, everything seemed so overwhelming at first that my ED just wasn't my main concern... when it should have been. I was so busy adjusting to college life that sometimes I forgot about my goal of gaining weight. At first, when I started eating the food there, I ate more than I would normally at home because of all the options that they had available. However, after a while it started to become old and I ended up not eating as much as I should have been. Also, some of the friends that I made were trying to loose weight and diet, so that ended up having an influence on me. I began going to the gym with them and exercising more than I should have been. I would often over due it, and I was aware of that... but it didn't stop me from continuing. So, I started to fall backwards again and throughout the year had a hard time gaining the extra weight I needed. However, I saw a counsler at school and my friends were all supportive of me, which was very helpful. This year, I am planning on living on campus again, and I am looking forward to my independence again, because living at home is so much different... I think it is harder at home sometimes because there is way more control from my parents, also the main reason for my ED. Hopefully this year I will be able to get back on track for good and gain the weight I need to in order to be healthy... because worrying about my ED tends to get me down and I just want everything to be the way it used to for me. I think that you will enjoy living away, it will be different, but it may be helpful in your recovery. Even if things seem overwhelming at first, which they probably will, just take a deep breath and relax. Eventually it will get less crazier and it will hopefully be eaiser to sort through your ED better.

Good Luck and keep me updated on how everything goes. :)

<3always, smilexo7

Thanks everyone for the support and also sharing your stories. It really helps me feel more prepared for school and not as overwhelmed. I must say, I think I am leaning towards doing better when I am at school. No one will be there telling me when I need to be somewhere, or making any decisions for me. It more about the control over my own life that my ED starts to freak out for the most part. I really hope I don't have friends who diet because that will surely set me off- again, especially since I make my own decisions. Yet, I think I will be okay, like last year.

remaining hopeful :)

allee