Extremely depressed, I don't know what to do. I am new to t

Extremely depressed, I don't know what to do.
I am new to this site, I never talk about this, and this is the first time I've ever tried joining a group about this to even try to talk... ever since I can remember, I have had this 'pain' so to speak in my chest, like a feeling as if there is nothing there. I feel empty, and I just don't know why. I wan't to be happy, and besides stressful things like my bad financial situation and whatever else, I have a pretty good life. But when I get up in the morning, I don't find pleasure in anything anymore, and I just find my self doing nothing, staying in, and just waiting for the day to be over... I'm not eating or sleeping right, and I think it's safe to say I probably spend to much time looking at screens. However, I honestly don't feel motivated at all to help my self. I want to be happy, but it has gotten to the point now where I don't care anymore about anything, and I find my self aimlessly waiting for the days to end. Another big thing, there is this girl that I know, and we have been friends for a while. When I was dating my ex girlfriend, this other girl sort of opened up my mind and made me realize that the current relationship I was in, wasn't the best for me. Since then, I have fallen deeply in love with this girl, however, the chances of our relationship becoming anything more than just a friendship probably will never happen. She is in a serious relationship with a really great guy, and I would never want to do anything that would get in between that, and make her unhappy, so I have not told her how I feel about her. I really want to tell her, but I'm scared that I'm going to lose her as a friend, or put her in an uncomfortable situation with her boyfriend. On the other hand, not telling her is hurting so bad. It kills me to see her with her boyfriend, and I try to distance my self from her, and even see other girls in hopes of getting over her. But these feelings inevitably come back. I wish I didn't love her, but I do, and I feel as though it is a huge contributing factor to how I am over all feeling. The time I do get to spend with her makes me feel so happy, and sometimes I forget that she has a boyfriend. I just wish I could be with her, and spend more time with her, she makes me so happy, but then it sinks in that her heart belongs to someone else. So I figure the best I can do is just distance my self. It just sucks because right now, she is one of the only things I can think of that makes me feel better, and I pretty much have to deny my self of her because it hurts too much being with her sometimes. I don't know what to do. Besides that, I feel like my life is just standing still. I'm 20, just dropped out of school, lost my job, and I am trying to get back on my feet. Sorry for the long post, but thanks to anyone who reads.

2 Hearts

*Hugs* I'm glad you joined, and I hope you get all the support and advice you need on this site. How are you doing now?

thanks, about the same haha

Ray, 1st of all, Welcome to SG and the groups. From what I gather from your long post. Which by the way was GREAT. I wish more people added more details to the how's and why's of their life. Anyway, I think you need to force yourself to go out. Do something..... anything but stay inside. Take a walk, go to a coffee house, DO SOMETHING. Your young, dwelling on your grief and boredom keeps you in a rut. Keep talking to us and let us know how you feel from day to day or more often.