EXTREMELY VULNERABLEam I the only one

Hey Guys,
I'm really embarassed at admitting this but I thought maybe someone out there might understand what I am going through. and then i wouldn't feel so alone in this and have to be told to "calm down".

Right...I have a few ex issues. And recently I've been texting a guy, it's very nice he knows where I stand dating wise but the texting is just very sweet and nice. He is also coming from a very hurt place too...so it's bit of innocent friendly chatting.

I text him an hour ago, he hasn't text back, there could be a million easy reasons for this to happen...hasn't seen the text, he is working at present too so maybe it isn't that easy.
But when this happens my mind goes into this overdrive of defensiveness...this is my brain...delete his number, never text him again, he's going to hurt you, and I actually feel a sort of hurt, it's obviously not him doing anything wrong cos he really hasn't.

The thing about it is...if he asked me out tomorrow...I wouldn't go, no way hose, I'm just not ready I'm so vulnerable all the time.

I guess why do I feel like I have to be super prepared to walk away, even from something so minor as a friendly relationship where we just text each to basically consel each other more than anything else.

I am the only one who gets like this??? It is really upsetting to feel like you have to be ready to leave in case of any slight slight slight non-perfection.
This really can prove fatal to any future relationships I have.

Is there anyway to calm yourself and allow yourself to trust yourself enough to know that someone is not going to make a fool of you and leave?

Love to you
Moongal x

C'mon now your doing so well with working it through in reference to your thought patterns. Quit setting yourself up like that mentally even though your just venting, sharing your thoughts here. There is no sure way to really know alot of things out there in the world, it would be boring if life was so predictable huh. Have fun w/texting the guy if & when he texts back, or talk here like your doing, thats much better then going into a spin.

Your always so wonderful w/supporting & giving out good advice to others, now do that for yourself.

Love April

Hey April,
Ya he text...and he was even like oh hey hun...which is an indearing term really...but my head and heart is going don't get involved with this too much, I feel very out of comfort zone. If I won't allow any person to get remotely close to me how long is this going to go on for?

I thought I just wanted to keep men at arms length at present, to me it feels exhausting to even consider letting anyone remotely near me.

Whenever I think about the future and relationships, I feel crushed...that is the only way to describe it.

I hope it's just a passing phase, but this is literally my head even on nothing relationship "you cannot hurt me, I won't let you, I'm always one step ahead of you, you won't break me"...is that crazy talk or is that crazy talk?

Love to you
Moongal x

Hi Moongal, I am sorry that you felt that way about the text. I can totally and completely get that way, and so many of my friends will as well. Please don't be so hard on yourself to the point where you are over-analyzing the reasoning behind it. One of my closest male friends called me out on being too extreme with men to the point where they have no room for error; meaning if he doesn't text right back or call when he says he'll call, then I'll be ready to instantly run in the other direction. It's my defense mechanism; I'll run before he has a chance to hurt me. I have historically cut relationships off when I felt them going slightly south so that I could prevent the guy hurting me. I cut things off before he could was my thinking. I have worked so hard to change my ways and change my thinking.

I am so happy that he texted you back, as I knew that he would. I believe that sometimes these things happen when you're not looking for them. You are in a place where you would like to be single; therefore, he comes a new man. It's always that way for me...just as I announce it to the Universe, the Universe sends me a little curve ball.

Do you feel comfortable building a nice friendship with him first and taking baby steps to anything beyond that. Maybe you're putting too much pressure on yourself now to define this or run in the other direction because you're set on not having anyone in your life. If he is a good man and treats you respectfully, then go for it. Life is too short and you are too amazing of a person to not have a great man to share your life with. I think that we all have issues, will we ever be perfect for that person to come into our lives....most likely not. So, let's keep working on ourselves but not close ourselves off to good people.

Please keep sharing. Always here for you.

Hey sweetie,
Sorry didn't reply to this earlier, just had a really rough day at work yesterday.
Anyway ya, it's so hard to take things at face value. This guy is really lovely ya know, it's just a friendship though he's recently out of a really long term relationship I'm trying to encourage him to talk about it but he won't at present, I just said whenever he's ready and I'm too badly broken to persue anything.

It's just my mind kind of going great you have proved me right again I can't trust a fella. It's almost liks I want them to disappoint me so I can get rid of them and that really being any of my anxieties.

The thing is at the same time it's really nice getting to know someone and I really want him to not mess this up, anyway as time is passing he seems to be more reassuring to me...which is good. I don't need a fella at present, I just need a great friend.

Hope things are going great with you hun
Loads of Love
Moongal x

That's great Moongal, I think that you have the right attitude about this. You are taking things slowly and starting off at a friendship level. If things are meant to progress to a romantic relationship, then they will do so naturally and at a pace that's comfortable for you.

I also understand how it is to bring in past experiences into a present one. It's so unfortunate that we do so, but it is also so understandable because we've been hurt, thus we want to protect ourselves and it's a defense mechanism. Allow him to keep proving himself to you and continue taking this at a pace that's comfortable for you. Try to trust that he is a good person and there with good intentions. As well, maybe he doesn't want to talk about his past relationship because he is done with it and just wants to move on. And, if he has a romantic interest in you, then he is being a gentleman by not bringing up past girlfriends...that's a very good thing. You are his focus, which is what you deserve.

Always here for you....please keep sharing.