Family matters

I had an early birthday dinner with my family for everyones birthday in July in my family. Not everyone was there but it was still stressful. First off my grandmother will follow a recipe and try to make everything ten times more fattening and full of calories than it was originally meant to be. So I was nervous about it all day, so I ate little all day so I wouldn't eat an enormous amount of calories for the day. What made me more nervous was that my birthday is tomorrow and that would be a big calorie day too...
So my family right now, my dad has no real job. He works as a waiter at two restaurants. He has major depression- tried to kill himself when I was 16- and he feels worthless. If he isn't at work he is either laying in bed and ignoring us or yelling and screaming. It's stressful and makes me feel like crap all the time. So when we went to my grandmothers for the dinner that was the topic of discussion. Is he taking his medicin? Not sure. Should we have an intervention for him? Not yet. Why didn't he stay at his other job? He was miserable there too... You get the point. This made it even worse on top of the high calorie comfort food I had to eat- and eat enough to meet my grandmothers standards! A lot.
So I'm full- thankfully not too full- and stressed about family situations and stressed about calories for the next few days. But I have some good things happening too. Jan has helped me with a meal plan and though it's a step forward in this stressful time, and it's also exciting, I am also scared. More calories. I know I can do this though. I don't want to make my family worry more about anything else. I feel guilty for having my own problems. My mom mentioned the other day that i am like my dad; I am always too hard on myself to the point of extremity. And it's true. I think I'll find my way out though eventually. One day at a time

Allee

Allee,

I'm glad you made it through this tough dinner... It sounded very stressful... And I'm so glad you are working a meal plan! Yay!!! :) Happy Birthday, dear! Just imagine where you'll be NEXT year! ♥

Love,

Jen

allee...you made it! I know it had to have been hard, but I hope that you feel safe sharing here, and it helps to vent and share about what is bothering you.
Please don't allow your Mother's comment about you being 'like your Dad', be your destiny. Yes, you may have similar characteristics to your Father, but that does not determine your life.
You can do this, but do it for YOU, not anyone else! Wishing you joy!! HUGS...Jan ♥