"Fancy this!" (What I'm currently telling myself)

Mental Health Eating Disorders & Body Dysmorphia
1

My oh my...I haven't relapsed so far today! For such an afflicted gamine (that relapses daily) this is a hugely epic, biiiiig deal. I woke up with the craving, but, for some reason still beyond me, I ate and then stopped, and proceeded to work on a couple pieces of jewelry before going to this group therapy/educational class at a specialty hospital in my area. I barely even worried about it in my head. But I enjoyed jewelrymaking/metalworking so much (or, I LET myself enjoy it so much) that I decided not to go to group. This led to that age-old feeling of, "GOD you can NEVER just do it right. You can NEVER get anything right can you?"

But I realized that it was my passions, what felt fulfilling on the inside, that led me to skip...not depression or a lack of motivation...and according to my friends and family, I am known for my unpredictability. I can't even predict myself. I definitely woke up thinking I was gonna go to group. But the desire and the passion arose from such a spontaneous whim that I felt freed by it...almost like it swept me up and I just went with it. But this disregarded RESPONSIBILITIES and obligations I have to acknowledge.

Either way I feel I'm wronging a part of myself: the logical, rational part of me feels it's wrong and undisciplined to skip-out on therapy, but the mercurial, sensually expressive part of me feels it's wrong to deny those rare moments when I DON'T feel empty and depressed and feel inspired and passionate about something.

Does anybody have any thoughts or curiosities on this? Did it bring up any emotion or thought in you? Please share...I wrote this because I need different perspectives!!

Also, does anyone else have urges to relapse as soon as you wake up? If you've come up with a method that's been successful, that's awesome!! For anyone who's still trying, I can relate. Anyway, thanks for reading this, and I love you all.

2

Sometimes it is a very good feeling when you feel free and inspired.From time to time it is good to give yourself a brake. Have faith and believe in God and life becomes less complicated. God bless you.

3

Whenever I get up I check my tummy in the mirror to see if it looks flatter than the night before, I don't know if that counts as relapsing but I always feel ridiculous when I do it!

I love the feeling of purpose when you're doing something you love, I wish I could have that constantly, but hey real life calls :D

4

I do the 'tummy check' as well, sometimes in the mornings and sometimes just when I'm in the bathroom. To me, it's not a relapse in-and-of itself, but it's one of those behaviors that could possibly contribute to a relapse (others being checking the calorie content on every item you pick up in the store, mentally putting yourself down, etc.). And ohhh yes, it is ridiculous isn't it! Teehee

And yes, real life does call, too bad the only "constant" in life is "change" (how paradoxical)! And it's so freakin' hard to just keep in mind that one can't possibly recognize the greatness of the high moments in life without experiencing the low ones! I think that the more adversity you have to overcome on your journey through life, the more you learn to appreciate and savor happiness!! ;)

5

I've tried to stop the "tummy check" (it feels so funny calling it that, it's like (ooh, look, still there!)) Yeah I always think of the hard times as character building, and essential bridges you need to cross to get to that zen moment where you feel content, but of course the zen moments might only last for a bit but there are entirely worth the struggle!

Oh I'm such a tosser! :D