I've posted 'my story' here on another forum however its not getting a response.I'm not looking to get sympathy or pity, that doesn't help nor will fix anything. I'm turning 40 in a few months and my story started 18 years ago with my first wife. It was a perfect movie scene life starting out, we dated for a few years, became best friends and got married. After a few months of our new lifes she became pregnant, life was blessing me from every angle. Then the blessings turned into a curse, just as she hit the 2nd month of pregnancy she came to me and told me she wanted a divorce and she was having an abortion...and thats what she did. My life turned upside down in a matter of weeks. I couldn't work, I drank like a fish and smoked relentlessly. After 6 months of destroying my body I couldn't take it anymore and attempted suicide. Obviously I failed and I was given another chance at life..believe me I shouldn't have lived and to this day I don't know why I did.
Fast forward 18 years now, like I said I'm turning 40 in a few months and I've made some bad decisions on relationships and such and I still dont have any children. My thoughts of suicide have returned (about 8 months ago). I'm taking an assortment of medications to 'deal' with the loss of my child. All of my friends kids are graduating and I have to sit there and watch what I've missed out on. Each day brings more hopelessness and guilt. It scares me that these thoughts are back, I've heard that once you've crossed that line before its easy to retry. I'm in counseling and attend a monthly support group however my illness gains strength each day.
I'm on my 2nd marriage that is about to end in divorce for other wonderful reasons. After thats said and done I'll be alone... again.
I to have attempted suicide but managed to be saved and i still wonder why. i to have a fear of being alone and i understand what your feeling. although i have children i have no life i envy people with friends since i dont not have any but even with my kids that void of self love and self worth is still there and that could be what your missing. like i said i dont want to be alone either but the least i can do is learn to love the one person that will be there in the end (me). i hope this brings you some comfort i hope to chat with you again.
I am sorry you both feel bad. Please know that suicide is not an answer. There is a reason you are here, but you have focused on what has not worked out so much that your missing out what is meant to happen.
Try to change your thoughts by not focusing on why things didn't work out or why things have happened. Believe there is reasons for it. There is something out there that is more true and beautiful than you can ever imagine. Just believe in yourself and value who you are. It's important to pray for faith, direction and strength. There is always a turning point in life and sometime it takes a while. If you focus on you and not anyone or anything else it will happen when you least expect it.
Do they have you on any medications that may possibly help you? I hate to hear those things I think every life is worth it. Even if maybe you don't I think yours is too. I'm glad your in counseling. Does your family know how you feel? Just remember it is not worth it and once you do it it cannot be undone. Please take life for what it is, a gift. Live life and you will be surprised how things happen for you. GOD BLESS YOU.