Fear of ending up in a relationship with a wrong person

Yeah, the only thing I want only men is I’m a heterosexual/straight woman. If I do find myself to be romantically interested in a queer or a feminine straight guy, I would want to talk about our mutual interests and I wouldn’t want my guy to come across as a huge dickhead to me, or to others. I just want to find the right guy in my 20s. :frowning:

If only I wasn’t scared to feel alone for TOO long.

Dont be so stuck with the idea of finding someone in your 20’s or in an specific time of life, it will come when its right, and I know you hate to read this, do what jasmine said, focus on yourself first, always, i wouldnt be on dating apps anymore honestly, maybe school or mutual friends is a better idea. Being in a relationship doesnt automatically make you less lonely btw, if you are in a relationship where your needs arent met, you will feel lonely, i know it sucks to work on ourselves and it takes time, im doing it right now too and its tiring as fuck, i feel like people started showing up more when i was not thinking that much into it, my friend always said that and i always hated him for it

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If you see relationships nowadays, they are not what you want in your life. When you are you , you feel like you need these things but when you get older you realise that being in your company is better than wasting your time with someone. See this as a new oppertunity, a fresh start for you. I remember when I was your age and I made a huge mistake thinking I wanted to get married but nowI grew up and I realise Time is Precious. Use it to ensure that you are in a good place, make the life you want. Decenter relationships.

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Therapy, please find one because bullying is abuse, the trauma lasts with you. It’s okay to feel hurt but I think it is time for you to focus on yourself fully. No dating and just work with the therapist to help to process and overcome your trauma.

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Don’t rush things, use this oppertunity to learn about you. The romance will come in time. Dont be folled by this invisible timeline of when to live your life, you can start fresh whenever.

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I’m going to echo what others have suggested.

There is no timeline to meet the “right person”. None. Ever.

It might happen tomorrow, it might be years and years away. But the consequence of feeling pressure or even just wanting it sooner could be that you end up in relationships with the wrong people. And if that happens it’s just wasted time at best, and often worse if the relationship goes wrong.

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Is that possible? I might need more space for myself to be mentally better, but the fear still lingers in me, even if I learn to focus on my needs. Just so many endless possibilities.

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I’ll see if anything changes.

Well if anything that disrupts me from enjoying my life, then I’ll definitely need it.

Thank you so much! That’s really helpful. :slight_smile:

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Honestly, I get pretty apprehensive if I don’t find the right person for a decade, and it’s even worse when my parents keep asking me if I have a boyfriend, which gets annoying whenever they ask.

I am also a college student, and I do feel your pain on this one. I also avoid having serious romantic relationships because of these reasons, but please remember, we are all young, and some people take more time to mature than others. With that being said, I wouldn’t even stress myself with trying to educate others who clearly don’t want to listen. I promise you, there are young men who are willing to listen, you just have to find them. Keep your head up!

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Endless possibilities of what? It is possible, it just sucks to do it and it takes some effort but its good to do it

So as a man I just wanted to apologize for you encountering so many bad guys. Here is what I think the problem is. The guys who are aggressively seeking women… you know the pick up artist type or whatever you call them are well… A holes. The nice sensitive caring and respectful types tend to be shy so they tend to be invisible to women. I don’t like to try flirt with women who I do not know because I want to be respectful because I don’t know their situation or if it might be annoying or god forbid creepy or threatening. Unfortunately the majority of men who approach women are going to be the misogynists. It is the nice guys finish last problem. I hope you find a good guy. They are out there but they might not be the ones who come up aggressively.

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If I get better and push myself into making efforts, there’s something that stops me from pursuing romantic relationships. I had a friend (19), who had turned out to be an abuser and a serial cheater before I found out. He’s done this in his teenagehood when I was still friends with him and I was never aware of that. Needless to say, men can also be proficient actors, like women, but fakeness doesn’t cover up one’s own actions for too long.

Thank you for your sincerity and honesty. It’s so relieving to know that some men, like you, exist. You don’t have to be sorry for their actions - it’s them to be blamed for. If only my mind wasn’t conditioned into believing that men are our biggest enemies, but I do my best to convince myself that it’s not true.

Thank you. :slight_smile:

Your welcome. I am dealing with something similar after being married to a very awful woman. I know that they are not all like that but you can’t help but judge based on past experiences. Hopefully we will find some decent partners to help heal the damage done by the previous ones. Don’t give up and I wish you the best of luck.

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Thank you. I wish you all the best. :slight_smile: <3

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