I always seem to post here when I have problems, but I like to get feedback and support :) I had a support group night on Wednesday in IOP and my mom spoke, which made me frustrated and angry, but we have since opened up communication a bit more. This past Friday and Saturday have been horrible because my boyfriend (we are in a long distance relationship for 4.5 years) sounds like he is questioning if we should continue. The next step is for me to move with him, but he was saying he has doubts and fears and it's like a fear of commitment because it wouldn't be for just a few months here and there. He says he loves me, supports me, I'm his best friend, etc., but he just has doubts. This breaks my heart and I have probably cried ever since then. Right now we are taking a few days break from talking on Skype, but will still text message to check in. I just feel like this, the overwhelming stuff with starting IOP, still feeling like I may not have a problem (being in denial), and having to face the possibility of weight gain are just getting to be too much for me to handle and I don't know what to do. I'm just really at a loss right now...
Ang...you are doing the best thing by reaching out for support. Even writing about this could be helpful, as in helping you process your own feelings.
Wow! A long distance relationship for 4.5 years is a long time. I can't imagine how you have maintained it.
Being in treatment is a lot to handle, just itself, plus trying to deal with a relationship issue of this magnitude is bound to be terrible.
Your recovery has to be priority. Will you boyfriend explain more fully about what his doubts are about? Does he know you are in treatment? Has the ED been a source of contention in your relationship?
Communication with your BF is critical before you can figure anything out. Can you talk to your therapist about this also, and see what she/he recommends?
Whatever the case, every day presents challenges and you can only handle so much. Please try to focus on your recovery, and continue to share. Take care...Jan ♥
Thanks janurse :) Yes, my boyfriend does know about all of this and the reason he says he has doubts is because I was there from Jan-May of this year and we had some issues. I know that a lot of that stemmed from the fact that I was just downright depressed and should have seen someone for that a long, long time ago. Now I am on medication for that and am working on addressing the ED/body image issues. He says that he has doubts that I will come there and be happy being away from my family, if he has to go away for work, etc., which have come up when I've been there, but that was when I've been there short term. I've already discussed it with my parents and they know it's what I want and they plan to visit me. And as for him being away for work, etc. it's just because I felt like our time was limited so it upset me because I just wanted to be able to spend as much time with him as I could. He said that he guesses he is just scared and has the fear of the unknown, that he doesn't want me to come there and then it all goes badly. It's just like I think that every relationship has ups and downs, which he has to realize, and if you love the person and want to be together then you will work towards making things work out. This is just a lot of added stress on top of going to IOP and being emotionally overwhelmed by the end of each week. My mom said maybe it is best for him to come here for a visit before we decide anything. I don't know...but we are having a phone therapy session Tuesday a week from now. Sorry for the rambling :)
Oh and I used symptoms the other day that I have never used before, so I am scared that will continue. And with all of this going on, I haven't eaten anything today and just don't even feel like it. It's like I really do just want to give up.
Ang..both you and your BF have a lot going on. You are right that every relationship has it's challenges, but you both have to work it out. I'm glad you have a phone therapy session planned. This is an important issue to bring up. I like the idea of him coming there so you can talk about it.....good luck, and please remember that if you don't take care of yourself, you can never be fully involved in a healthy relationship. Take care..Jan ♥
Ang...I have gone through what you are describing (although I was alot younger). Please take the time you need to work on yourself and be the best person you can bc you darn sure deserve it! If the boyfriend can't handle it? Then he is not worthy of having you in his life. Good Luck!!
Terri