I went out with a man a while ago and we had a couple of outings that were pretty amazing until the end of the night of one date. He came on quite aggressively and then when I told him "no", he got quite cold and rude. I heard from him a couple of times following and then never heard from him again. I ran into him at a party and then didn't see him again for a year. He randomly contacted me a short while ago, which was a shock. He asked to see me, because he wanted to catch-up. I reluctantly went out with him and we had a magical evening together, I truly believed that he had changed. We spent several days together and were finally intimate. I was convinced that he genuinely cared for me and wanted something more, as he knows where I am in my life and knows that I only want a serious relationship. As well, to give myself to a man intimately is a HUGE deal. It had been almost 2 years since I'd been intimate with a man. Its been 1 week and I haven't heard anything from him; nothing...not even a courtesy text. I feel so disgusted with him and so incredibly disappointed in myself. How could I allow such a man back into my life with the belief that he had changed and that he's a good honest person. I don't get it.
Can someone really be such a good actor, so as to put on such a good show pretending to care for me. It makes no sense. Although, I suppose there are plenty of people out there with dishonest intentions that prey on good honest people.
I am feeling so hurt, sad, angry, disappointed and really don't know what to think from this point on. I so very rarely let my guard down and allow a man into my life. Now I feel like I've been scared straight and won't trust a man again. How do I get over this? Maybe only time will help.
Sorry for the vent. These are just my very raw emotions.
Hey puppydoglovr, I am so very sorry that this has happened to you. I can certainly understand your feelings from reading your post. Have you tried contacting him? Maybe something happened that has caused him not to be able to contact you? Feel free to vent to us. You know we are all here for you. I wish I could give you a real hug. ((((hugs))))
Hey PuppyDogLvr,
I am sorry to hear about this guy...what a creep. Something like that happened to me before too...I was dating a guy for like 2 months...he knew that sex was a pretty big step for me...after "the deed was done" never heard from him again...I am extrememly stubborn and would make no excuses in my head for him.
Then out of the blue 6 months later he text saying he was sorry and could we meet, that he was messed up about his ex...bla bla bla...I of course "bollocked" him out of it but eventually agreed but then he started this whole weird stringing me on thing..never answering when we would meet...so eventually I said "delete me, and pretend we never met".
The way I see it there are guys who will do what they want and not have the stones to say look we won't be seeing each other again. And there are other good fellas who if they don't see a future will just be courteous and walk away...and then there's the guy for you who will wait forever if he has to, so long as he is with you.
So please don't give up hope hun, this is just a glich...personally I would give "what for" over a text just to get out of the system. (I used to think, keep it all in, but now I don't care, if they know that I think they did is crappy) But I'm sure he realises he is a loser...what sort of man treats a girl like that...seriously?
You will find the guy for you...I know it and when you do, it will be easy, no dramas at all. I hope you feel ok sweetie..don't even think about blaming yourself. Just listen to some motivational music (Gloria Estifan always a classic) and try and smile to get past this...and when you think of him...don't think of what could have been...think about what he was...and sister..."he ain't all that and a bag of chips". Wish I could give you a huge hug, cos I know exactly how you feel.
Hugs and loads of love to you.
I know your guy out there for you just gotta have faith.
MG x
Thank you all so much for your support, I really appreciate it so very much. I haven't tried contacting him Bluidkiti, though he did send me a very generic text today. I feel that his text was actually worse, then never contacting me again. The realization that it took him less than 30 seconds to send a generic text so long after is just pathetic in that he couldn't do it sooner. My male friends are beyond disgusted with this guy's behavior, because he knew what it took for me to be intimate; he got what he wanted and moved on his merry way.
Thank you for sharing your story Moongal and for all of the fantastic advice, it helped so much. I am actually feeling a ton better today and like that icky weight has been lifted off of me.
And thank you Ross, I still really do believe that here are really good guys out there, some of them being my male friends. They are all good solid guys. I am not allowing this one guy to let me lose hope.
Oh, I'm so glad to hear you're feeling better. So he sent a text today? What a fool...you are so much better without him. I mean it, you really saved yourself there.
But at least you can take some satisfation knowing that he will never influence another part of your life again. And if that's all he wants in life, he's living a particularly shallow life and it's nice to hear that you are surrounded by mature guys who can secure your confidence in men.
I hope you are absolutely going to spoil yourself rotten over the next few days...because you deserve it. I know that karma will hunt this guys butt down and kick it for you....and if not it sounds like you have a few male friends there who would be more than willing :)
I am so sorry that this happened to you. I am still single too, even though I have had a few men show interest in me, and there is a man now who is waiting for me to call him, but like you I only want a serious relationship, and am trying to be careful. Some people say you have to kiss alot of frogs before you get to the prince, but that just seems like an awful way to get to the prince. =)
Hi waterfall, "kiss alot of frogs before you get to the prince, but that just seems like an awful way to get to the prince." That was funny and made me laugh.
puppydoglvr, There is a saying, "What goes around comes around." In time he'll get his for how he treated you.
Yes, there are still good guys out there in this world. Now, just to find them. When my husband and I started going together, he was willing to wait for when I was ready even though there had been two times before that we had been intimate together. Those times occurred before we started going together. He did wait until I was ready.
I don't think there is no set formula of how relationships evolve between two people that turns into marriage and a lifetime thing. You just have to take a chance and see. Time will tell. Always that time thing.
puppydoglvr:
I agree with JokerGirl in that what happened was not your fault, or put another way, you didn't do anything to deserve it.
But I am kind of curious about something, and that is, what mistakes do you think you made, beyond simply 'trusting him'? I'm asking this in a constructive way. Specifically, in those moments where you made major decisions that you later came to regret, what factors swayed you into those decisions, and do you think you'll be prepared the next time, and make a different decision the next time? This experience is hurting you, I understand that, but one way it can have some worth for you is if you learn from it; maybe that's easier said than done, but while there's plenty of negative things that can come from this (distrust, bitterness, anger), they're not inevitable-- so what positive things do you think could come of it?
I feel that after situations like this we are always left with questions like...what did I do wrong? If it were reading the signals wrong, etc. But I think in this case, this fella also blatentely lied to puppydoglvr..his intentions should have made clear from the start...and if he was acting "couply" with her, her thoughts fell that this was the direction he was planning to take.
From my experience with my guy, i've realised that I have to be crystal clear about my ideas, and that you accept ALL of me or you get NONE of me, in that we will be in a committed relationship before any "complications"...and that I already have set ideas for my future. Now I am not a "hardy" girl uncomprimising but there are certain things...children and marriage that I won't be swayed from.
I also have found I need to show my heart and affections more...which can be difficult when you are scared of being broken again, but these are things I need to work on, I'm sure when I find the right guy at the right time it will work because I know my weaknesses....but that doesn not mean that I deserved what happened to me or PDL deserved what happened to her.
Although i have found that over analysis of "what went wrong" can turn you into a very defensive, very untrusting woman...and then when the remotest thing is said in the next date that was said on "bad guy dates" even favourite tv shows it can send you running for the hills.
I think for me, I have learnt to me more direct, I think guys can be pretty direct about things, so if you ask them what their intentions are (not in a scary manner, mind) they will tell you. But as for what this guy did...it was just sneaky and he knew he was doing wrong.
So I just hope that whatever lesson you've taken from this PDL is that you deserve a lot better than what the guy did...and you will meet an honest, upfront, straight talking guy...and it will be easy and so much fun...and I hope it comes so soon for you.
Much love to you
Moongal x
PS I do hope you did take my advice and did some spoiling of yourself over the weekend, you deserve it.
By the way I'm not sure if anyone here is following it, but there's a really good thread in the divorce support group (HERE) with a theme somewhat similar to this one, but from the male perspective.
Gosh pup, I'm w/jokergirl & Ross, some people never change their true colors (maybe polish'em up bit to suit their own needs) grrrrrrrr
Wish I could wave a wand & fix it, my so called husband does that STILL to suit his own needs sucks, doesnt work for me but probably for others cause they dont realize whats really behind it, if they did they'd RUN not WALK to the nearest EXIT.....
Hello Everyone and Happy Monday! Wow, thank you so much for all of your incredibly supportive and insightful comments. I am beyond blessed with all of you here.
I would love to say that I learned something profound from this experience, much more so than I have learned from past experiences. Maybe I didn't make my feelings as clear as I should have, maybe I didn't put myself out there enough, and maybe I still had a few walls up...I'm not quite sure how I came across to him. Though what I do know is that I was totally myself and didn't put on an act or try to be someone that he'd like me to be. So it was a love it or leave it kind of scenario. If he liked what he saw, then he would have been more communicative following and if he didn't, then that now shows. He did bring up our age difference (he's older than me) numerous times and asked if that bothered me, which I expressed that it absolutely did not. As well, he said that I was a "head turner" and so maybe he has has some insecurities there. He would bring up younger good looking men who were out and asked if I liked them or liked how they looked. So, all in all, it could have been a combination of him knowing that I'm not a match for him and his insecurities with our age difference.
I responded to his text one day later as I didn't want him to know or think that there was anything at all wrong; meaning that I was upset or that he had affected me in any way. He responded immediately and then sent yet another text last night. At this stage, I need to cut the communication because this is not what or who I want and I want to really make that clear to the Universe.
I spent the day yesterday at my friend's father's funeral. This is the same friend who had told me numerous times throughout our friendship that he has feelings for me. Seeing him in such a moment of grief, and seeing what a true Man he is and how strong he is made me love and respect him so much more. As well, being around my male friends put everything into perspective. They give me so much love and fulfillment, thus why do I waste a moment on a man who clearly doesn't deserve my time or energy.
I am feeling really good and positive today, and it's really thanks to all of your support and amazing advice. Thank you so very much! Wishing all of you an absolutely sensational day!