Feeling alone....my story

This is my first time using this site. The past few days have been some of the hardest in my life, so I thought joining some type of support group would help me release my feelings and find others feeling as lost and lonely as I do so we can be of some type of support to each other.

How I ended up here...

6 years ago I met the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. We made it through huge up's and down's and in the end of the 6 years we were pretty happy (I thought). Our 6 years ended this past Sunday with not even a hint of it coming to this. My "ex" and I are in our 20's (he is 26, I am newly 28...the "newly" part just makes me feel better about nearing 30). About 7 months ago, we each moved back in with our folks to save money, pay off debts, etc. We would spend every weekend together, doing the normal couple things. So, as usual this past weekend we spent the weekend together. When I left him on Sunday I was coming down with some type of flu bug. I sent him a text when I got home letting him know I was going to take some medicine and lie down. He said he would send me a "goodnight text" around 9 (this is our ritual, every night we send a goodnight text). At 11:00 pm, he sends his typical text: "Just got done watching the super bowl, going to head to bed. I love you very much babe. Gnite". Monday morning I wake up to frantic phone calls from his co-workers, mother, father and brother asking if I know where he is. I had no clue. After his parents searched around the house, they found a note. In his note, he said he couldn't take how his life was playing out anymore, he felt as if he was burdening everyone (he had made a few mistakes in the past which has led to some debts and legal issues, nothing too major that can't be fixed though). He said he was leaving the state and to not look for him. It has been 3 nights since I have spoken to him. I know this is all so new and there is a chance he will pop back up. But from the clues we have found, it seems as if this has been something he has planned as is serious about, so my gut feeling is that we won't hear from him for a long time, if ever.

So, here I am, alone, with all of these unanswered questions. Was there another girl? Was he in some kind of trouble? Did he love me? How could he leave me? How could he make all of these plans for the future with me and abandon me?

It hurts so bad. There is no closure. I just don't understand any of it.

I hope to be of some help to others hurting here, and hope to find help in the comfort of new friendships as well.

Thank you to anyone who took the time to read my long, rambling story.

he didn't want to burden you with all of his ****, as warped as it sounds, consider it an act of love and mercy. i know what i'm talking about because i'm the same way and can't even begin to tell anyone how fucked up i feel alot of the time, because i don't want to make their already hard lives even harder, i can't stand being a burden to others yet it's all i seem to do. he didn't even bring it up with you because he was too ashamed, and he thought that setting you free would be best for you long term.

Thank you Ethos. That does make sense…but it is still hard for me to accept that being the answer. I imagine even if he flat out told me the reasoning, I wouldn’t be able to accept it because that isn’t how I handle situations. Eventually I will stop asking why…I just wish it didn’t hurt so damn much.

Hey there!
What happened really sucked and I'm not sure what to tell you really apart from wow. I know thje feeling of being abandoned and I know the loneliness too... all I can sugguest is that you try to move on, easier said then done, I know. Wherever he is and whatever he is doing, I'm sure it was never in his intentions to hurt you, I hope you can at least take some sort of comfort in that. Sometimes people feel the need to leave and do things other people can't understand and it can make you feel horrible and worthless to them but it doesnt mean you are. I hope you find him and if you dont then I hope you find someone even more special.
I hope that helped somehow. :)
Feel free to message me if you feel like talking.
- Georgie