I haven’t written in a while because I though I can manage my own depression but I’ve reached again a point where I can feel I can’t do it on my own.
I turned 40 this year and was unhappy with previous my job so I decided to change it however the job I am in is much worse than anywhere I have worked. The culture, the people the attitude the demand is so chaotic and toxic. For a person like me dealing with anxiety the only way I can control it is to have some sort of control over my work and environment , it helps me manage my anxiety and I can live with it without medicine. But this job is impossible to control anything, and is bringing me to a point of desperation. I wish I could leave and I am looking for jobs every day, but whether is a slow period but there aren’t any suitable ones I can apply. So I am feeling a sense of hopelessness and depression like I failed at my life that at 40 I hate my job and I wish I could just quit and I have no prospects. When you change your job you think it will be better but I am so sad is much worse and there were no signs at the interview to say it will be like this …I feel like I am drowning
Whenever you feel like you failed at life just because you don’t like your job and are stuck for a moment, think about all the moments you smiled.
That’s it.
If you had even 1 moment in your life of 40 years, when you truly smiled or laughed with all your heart, you are not failed.
For the job, I don’t know what type of work you do, but is there a way you can try freelancing?
Try to find a skill you can learn and start earning by selling it. You can have full control over your environment and the type of people you want to interact or work for. This will help you a lot.
Hope you start feeling better soon. Sending a heart in hopes to make you smile… 
I want to start by saying you are not a failure. I truly admire your initiative in seeking a new job when you felt the need for a change. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with wanting growth and change—nothing at all. I’ve been in a similar situation and can relate. Like you, I found myself in a new role that didn’t necessarily offer a better situation. It’s easy to believe that changing jobs, relationships, or circumstances will improve things, but the truth is, those changes don’t always guarantee better outcomes. What makes the most difference is how we think about a situation.
When I learned to shift my perspective, I became better at navigating difficult situations. I don’t know if we ever have full control over things like work or relationships, but I do believe we have control over how we think about them and how we choose to act or react.
Is there anything about your current position that you can appreciate? Is the commute manageable? Are you working from home or have decent hours? Focusing on something positive, even if it’s small, can help shift your mindset from what’s difficult to what’s working. What we focus on grows, so it’s important to center your thoughts on what’s life-affirming whenever possible.
Obviously, when depression is part of the equation, it’s essential to be mindful of how your body and mind are processing things. Still, the goal is to go to bed with hope, not despair, believing that things will improve. And they will improve. Keep applying for jobs and trust that the right opportunity will come, and when it does, you’ll know it.
It’s not over, Allena. Hold on—better things are coming, but you have to believe it too.
thank you so much for the kind words, I am feeling a bit better than last week. I have thought about freelancing, but I also enjoy having a schedule , being an environment , talking to people. Although I work from home a day a week, I don’t think I could do it all the time.
thank you so much for the kind words, I am feeling a bit better than last week. The job indeed offers better commute so that is a plus. I am trying my best to focus on the plus things even though everyday us the staff are being made to feel like we don’t know what we’re doing. It’s disheartening to work in a place where management always focuses on the negative things. But I’ll persevere until I get the chance to leave.
I’m so proud of you for taking “back” your authority! I realize that some days will be better than others, but your willingness to identify something good about the job demonstrates your ability to eventually create the ultimate experience. Like you, I work in an environment that is not always positive, but I refuse to allow others to determine my worth or my potential. I chose to be in my current role, which proves to me I can create another space that’s better when I am ready and able to leave. People who go out of their way to make others feel bad are suffering terribly. Why else would they seek to criticize or hurt others. I don’t write this part to make you feel better, but to help you understand that there is a root to this type of behaviour. Tomorrow, when you go to work, think to yourself, “Wow, it’s a shame that my light is so bright that it blinds you to the point of ignorant behaviour. I know you can’t help it, but one day I hope you realize you don’t need to act that way.” Also, as gift to yourself, update your resume, and start submitting your resume for different positions. Don’t talk about what you are doing, “just do it.” You can share what you did after you get the job, and you will get the job!
Thank you so much. I think a lot about personal ‘light’ and how an environment that is toxic can affect it. I try each morning to think positive before I go to work in the hope that things will be better that day. I’ve been listening to a song a lot lately ’ Make your own kind of music’ which I find it give me hope that things will change. I hope your job will improve as well, sending you positive thoughts and light!