Feeling Comfortable in Therapy -Your Thoughts?

I recently came across a post mentioning the difficulties about finding a COMFORTABLE place for recovery. For me supportgroups.com fills this void, because I feel so comfortable here. This was a huge problem for me though when I was trying to find a therapist that I felt comfortable enough with. I wanted to hear if anyone else experience this problem with trying to find someone or a certain group that they felt comfortable enough to begin the recovery process. I think many people take for granted that just going to see a therapist doesn’t always mean that its a perfect fit. I would love to hear your thoughts.

I totally hear you out on this one! I was strongly encouraged to find a therapist this fall, and I felt silly, but I actually spent quite some time exploring different options because I had worked with a few people a few years ago I didn't click very well with. I ended up only meeting two different people for a trials sessions. The first one didn't feel quite right, and I was really anxious because I felt like I poured out too much information in the first session-but I think my standards were too high because I was comparing her to my main confidants (my school counselor and a teacher at school who I LOVE dearly...but they were the one's who encouraged me to get outside professional help-there's only so much support a school can offer :/) anyways, but the second person, though she was really nice, wasn't for me. I wanted to continue searching for someone, but I sort of ended up in an urgent situation in which I was required to see someone outside of school, so I ended up going back to the first person. She is really nice and helpful and though different than I expected, I think with an open minded attitude there is still plenty to learn from her. I hope you find success in your journey as well. Let me know if you have any more questions! :)

I’ve been in therapy at age 52,58, 63 and now back in at 70.
My problem…they say “situational depression” and I am codependent. How codependent…I am now married to the same person for the third~!! time.

Through some really tough times…I have seen social workers, psychologist, psychiatrists and now another social worker. It has to be a good fit, as you say…you have to trust and respect and the professional has to have some perception and something to offer. I am hoping this present relationship is a good one…right now I pin all my hopes there. I had a great one once…Debra Henderlong…helped me change a lot of reactions and behaviors. I need help not making everything “my issue”…

I remain, A work in progress…


I’m not an advocate of Mental Health…
I do have a dim view of the psycho therapy and the psychiatry businesses, and I have gathered a lot, I mean a whole lot of evidence in support of this view. When they can injure and diminish the quality of your life instead of improving something is really wrong. When they intentional destroy you lively hood it is a crime. When they place thoughts in your head that are evil that you never had before it is a transgression in your belief system.

They make promises forgotten for another day the distance widens in the foolish game…

They promised no tricks and then…I once catch a therapist in a lie, her reply… that is physicist to trick the mind! Is that what it is really about…paint an illusion, trick you…even if it means lying? Where does deceitfulness stop? Even confidentiality is a lie.

What good does it do? It does nothing too your self esteem! Does nothing for your Ego! It resolves nothing and no salutations are found from it. So why go there…if it is only a waste of time and only give you personal a bunch of grief, that can drive you nuts by magnifying the problem? Telling someone, even therapists if they give you a blank stare what good is it? There are people who don’t want too listen too it and say go get some help [what help] the sources may listen, but that’s were it ends. Pity party of one’s self is a fast way of understanding that people really don’t care right down too the doctor. You learn and you learn that pity can drive one too a suicidal state, thus pity is not a good thing, of getting it off your chest. Pity seems too increase stress and anxiety with a mixture of not caring, depression thus deeps. As someone once put it too me if your looking for sympathy you will find it in the dictionary between S**t and syphilis … in other words don’t care. Humans are so complex…you may ask the questions, and search for help but seriously hard finding an answer. Injury and rejection is in every move at every turn…life itself is a pity, so the world can party on those who have tried their best!

My thoughts... feeling comfortable with therapy.

No one is perfect, not even therapists. I can understand that Woodchuck may not like therapists, but for a lot of us, we need more than just will power.

I have had lots of really good therapists, and some not so good ones. I move a lot, so I have to find a new therapist every time I change state. I'm getting pretty good at it. And yes, you have to put trust into them. I think that for 99% of them, there is no way they would break it, so follow your intuition first.

I think a good place to start is getting referrals. At my work place, they have a free confidential service, and they gave me some referrals. I also had referrals at my previous college health center.

One of the things that I look for now, is someone that is older than me. I have had a young therapist, and I felt like she was missing on life experience. I also like females best. I've had one make schools counselor who was amazing, but that's it.
I feel like good therapists generally have been the ones that try to talk on the phone with me first, get to know me a little and ask questions. I also ask questions. Get a feel and if it seems good, make a first appointment.

The comfort thing can come from a lot of things. I personally feel like I have to let go of a lot of walls to feel comfortable. I feel ashamed at times when I share some of my feelings or stories, but after doing it, it generally feels better.

Finally, I think you want someone who's going to challenge you. If the person always agree, never asks questions and seems to be all soft, its not for me. I'll feel more comfortable if I feel that my therapists will push me to work on myself. That comes with time.

on the long run, if you don't feel comfortable, for whatever reason, follow your intuition. You know best.

Good luck. :)

I can honestly say it took me years to find someone I was truly comfortable speaking with. I've seen several therapists over my 40-something lifetime.

I thought my last therapist was a good fit for me until I realized we were on totally different pages. My main goal is not weight loss but love of self...weight loss would be an added bonus but it's not my main goal. My last therapist was well aware of my take on recovery and where I was going and still suggested strongly that I have gastric bypass surgery and THEN work on my issues. That was the straw that broke that therapist's back.

My current therapist specializes in EDS and has actually been in recovery for an ED for over 20 years. I talk to her and she "gets me". She calls me on my BS but supports me where I need it. I feel very comfortable with her.

I had tried another support website a few years ago and after about three years with them began to feel uncomfortable. I think I felt I had outgrown them, but nonetheless, it was no longer a good fit so I moved on.

I only just joined this supportgroups.com yesterday but so far I feel pretty comfortable posting here and I love reading other posts.

I too found that I was not able to open up to all therapists that I have seen some just right away did not feel right... that gut instinct of not going to work out.

I benefited the most when I had several therapists all within the same mental health group that I was working with. I saw one for my general issues. I saw another for a group therapy specializing in childhood sexual abuse. And I saw a third at that same time to help learn coping skills regarding my self injury. My therapists were all able to talk with one another and I turned out for me to be a great recovery process.

All I can say is when you meet the right person you will know it. As you can tell I do believe in it. Good Luck.

'Morning all..and welcome danceforjoy~!
Wimzie gave a great piece of advice for sure. I think if we listened to our gut more and trusted our instincts..trusted our judgement...we would all be better off.
I feel like I found a jewel when I found this website~! I'm searching for so many answers right now ...all of you are great for getting my thoughts going in the right direction and getting the focus off myself and possibly being of some help to someone else. Not everyone gets where we are.

Th first therapist I met I knew right away that he was not a good match for me. The second one for a while I was not sure about but now I see that she really gets me. I miss the therapists that were facilitators in a group I used to go to as follow up to an intensive outpatient program (I really hope I am allowed back to the grad group at some point) Right now I have 2 classes I go to with people I feel comfortable openig up to. I also have a therapist and a psychiatrist and there is a nother psychiatrist there that I saw twice, once in the hospital and a follow up visit that also seems to really understand me.

The first therapist made a crack about my not driving and then later when I had to see him once about testing that he was the only one at the facility did he again made me feel bad about never having a driver license and also said I was not being honest during the testing.

I feel that a good therapist is someone that makes you feel comfortable enough talking to that you feel like you can be open about things (it took me a while with my main therapist) Smeone who can push you and you feel like they are really doing it to help you even if it makes you feel bad for a while.

I also feel that a good therapist will respond quickly to messages and be willing to help you over the phone at times.

I have had quite a few therapists over a period of about 12 years. Most of which I really did not feel comfortable with at all and did not want to go in to much details about the problems that I faced, so I never truely put an end to things that were bothering me and stopping me from being able to let go of my ED. The majority of the time I would stop going to the sessions, as I really did not want to be there. I have recently (the last 6 months or so) been put in touch with a great therapist who specialises in ED and I feel very comfortable with talking to her. I think this makes a big difference to being able to fully explore your thoughts and feelings and to be able to process them also. I am finally dealing with things that happened in my past and making sense of why I deal with things the way I do. I actually look forward to my therapy sessions now and know that it is helping me. I fear for when my time with this therapist comes to an end and that I will be left on my own. I worry that I will not cope on my own. But I will cross that bridge when I come to it as they say.

Hi Lace,
I just love your signature statement…so true…so well put~!!! I am going to post that on my desk to look at.

You are spot on with what you said about the therapist you are seeing now…at least that is the way I feel also. The man I see now…I am excited to go…talk…explaining my behavior so I can respond differently…for my sake…not because it is my fault. I think of him and his approach during the week…it helps frame some of my actions…and sometimes at home I see positive responses.

I understand what you say about fearing the end…right now…I would be lost without this man. He is, in a way, holding my hand and walking me through my past to make a better life. If your therapist is anything like mine… it will only end WHEN YOU have to tools to continue this process.

It sounds like you are on a positive road to a new end~! Great going…not easy but sooooo worth it~!

Terrific~! A work-in-progress…M

I really miss the group therapy that I used to go to. I found that it helped a lot even when I didn't talk much about my issues. Just like posting on here, helping others often helps me.

So true 2001—this is my “away from the office” therapy too…so happy I found all of you…M

Thank You…Thank You…Thank you~!

In post #7 you asked if a “specific experience that caused this”... Yes! Let me clarify without hurting those who read.... for I know they have a different view point and I don't want to change that. Write this is hard for it brings “Ground Hog Day” all over again... I will try not to speak of it again!

In summarize in a few words its confidentiality, livelihood, and destruction of “actual life” including the quality of life, rape by Dr. psychologist resulting suicide.

Therapy “Were I thought I’d never be”…
They tell me that I am different… [I must be some kind of freak] most people feel better getting it off their chest they say; but for me a feeling of hopelessness when no answer or direction given that could resolve the feelings overwhelmed me.
I state every problem in my universe, and this resolves nothing. Relationship break up, too lost of life…; Having no friends for too shy of making, and no family is indeed a dull life. I left felling worst then I came in…no problems resolved. In fact terrified thereafter dwelling on the problems, resurfacing is most awful then the prior thoughts.
I am told now that is something we can resolve and will next time you come in…but next time never comes. When reminded of the issue, I’m just ignored repeatly as the months pass without any results. I’m told they will give me some kind of medication next time I come…again and again, but nothing happens, and to this day without.
After numerous weeks pass, I ask too review my medical records to see if they are missing something said or too a better understanding. Rejection from therapist her records and not mine to see. Litigation law suite followed, judge ordered records turned over, my finding records were in most part accurate with some omissions. That was an embarrassing experience in it self to go thru.

At the Root of it...
They proclaim confidentiality; but employer inquires and was told [Dr. breaching confidentiality] the words “nothing is wrong with me”, resulting in job termination after 18yrs without a day sick, with lost medical insurance. Problems compounded lost the home, family, and all property without an income. Then the daughter of “21” had her troublesome problems... drugged and rape by psychologist was the last straw for her suicide.
Years past, and recovery never came adapting became an impossibility. Therapist suggested if it was her she would want to kill the doctor for breaching confidentiality, that was the last straw in the power of suggesting such a evil deed too my weaken mind. [ I now see were therapy kills!] Therapy ended!
In search for new therapist I requested a signed absolute confidentiality contract; but no one would sign the liability of such a contract. In a disparate attempt the E.R. visit, including the crisis center calls only gave me a referral and, that was back to the original resource that did nothing. I cannot find any alternate resource…where’s the help? Who can I ask?
I never did anything to warrants such a life of dread and then found myself among the living dead. Asking for “HELP” became a nightmare of hellish torment hopeless among the mental state of vegetables I become, I totally lost it…I utterly become lost at sea, never to find my way back again. I retreated deep within. Thanks too mental health; I remember like it never happened, the day I watched all my dreams each and every one die! Now it’s just “One day at a time” slowly I die… and no one cares as a way of life I travel limply through this forest [jungle] as a ghost…I know by cause injured and being crippled, that I am ... I’m dead!
From a fairly good quality of life with a few problems, by asking for help just change everything forever that too the low life I’m not proud to be, a worthless person you see…sucks to be me “Were I thought I’d never be”.

woodchuck I am sorry you had such bad experiences. Where I go it is easy to get any of my medical records if I want and I do get most of them and have had a few errors that I have had to get corrected. There are a lot of good therapists and good medical coverages out there.

Work in progress, I an glad you like the quote and you will be using it. It brings me comfort and hope. I an also glad that you have a good therapist. It's amazing when you find a complete stranger that you can open up to and be honest with. It lifts your troubles. I too think about my therapy during the week and it gets me through!! Here's to good therapists!!! Xx

Woodchuck, I'm sorry to hear your experiences, it sounds very traumatic. Finding a good therapist is like finding a needle in a hay stack, but they are there!! I hope you are well. Take care of yourself!! Xx

Thanks lace, I can feel your enthusiasm and know what that safety net means to me…and so glad you have it too. I hope for that connection for all here~!

As far as a few XXXXX I might even throw in a OO or two~!

Oh, woodchuck~! What a terrible experience...not just one tragedy but many. I can't think of anyone who could deal with all of that. I am so sorry all of this happened to you.

I too have had some negative experiences ...certainly not the loss of a child. My oldest son is a recovering drug addict..or as he says..and addict who is going day by day.. meeting by meeting to keep his clean time. I've always worried about losing him.

Life can be a roller coaster for sure. Would you share how old you are? if you have other children? and if you are a guy or gal? How long a period was it when all this happened in your life. I'm new and may have missed some info.

You are not dead..you are very much alive and reaching out..the best thing in the world to do. What does it say on the bottom of the picture under your name?

Please keep in touch....it took a lot to share all that..

lv & prayers, M

I think therapy takes a lot of trust: trusting others and learning to trust ourselves. Its freaking hard to call a stranger, go to a stranger, and tell that stranger our deepest thoughts and lives, with no guarantees of nothing.

And I believe that in some cases there may be some things that are better left alone, or left for another time. There is no need to try to solve everything all at once.

Its a leap of faith, you don't know if its going to help, you don't know how long it will take, you're often there for the ride.

In my case, I believe life is a journey, not a end goal. Therapy to me is the same. You are on a journey, where you may feel better one day, and not so good another. You may find answers and discovers new ways to deal with patterns, and in other cases, you may stay stuck. Sometimes it will get harder, and sometimes easier. Its a long process without necessarily an end.

That can be difficult for folks who feel like therapy is a cure, a place where you get better for ever. I can understand that. I personally believe that everyone should do some sort of therapy in their lives, from time to time. That doesn't mean you have to go sit in an office and talk to an official therapist. There are multiple other forms of therapy: art, sports, hobbies, books, writing, etc.

Its up to you to figure out what works for you and take a leap of faith.