i feel very discouraged today. there are no jobs in my field, which is saturated. i was terminated and most people guess it just from looking at my resume. i used to work for such a big hospital it does not make sense i was laid off because people in my profession never get laid off, hardly ever. it is suspicious for me to even leave and apply for jobs at smaller hospitals and for less money.
i am starting to give up hope. i thought of going back to school for nursing, so i picked up some math books because i have to take a placement test for it. i don't remember a thing and it is too much to learn all these rules about percents and ratio and etc. i just can't remember all the rules. i am too old and too brain dead and you have to be young to remember all that stuff and then practice practice practice it until you can do it in your sleep. and that takes youth and time, lots of time.
and it will take me 3.5 years to become a nurse if i am lucky and even get into a program and i think it is too overwhelming for me to be a student again at my age. terrible. it is unfair i was fired, but what can i do.
my union could fight for my job back, but i can't rely on them doing it and even if they get me an appeal, i don't know if i will win.
i am falling into negative thinking, but it is realistic thinking too. i am vexed about my next move. vexed.
i look around at my beautiful home a fear i will lose it all. my heart breaks. i never appreciated my job and my old house i always thought was a burden, and now i realize i never appreciated either thing and i have lost one and will probably lose my house and car and teeth and healthcare and etc, etc, lose my dignity, lose my middle class life i always took for granted. i don't know what to do. i am too dumb to do anything else than what i do and the market is saturated. there is not enough work for everyone out there. right now i would settle for any job if i did not have to move. i am lucky to work 2 days a week and have unemployment, but that will only last so long. i am afraid and feeling hopeless.