its been a really rough few weeks, and lately ive been regressing very badly. Ive been cutting obssesivly, and crying a lot. I cant describe the pain and the emptiness, i dont know if any of u can understand it, but im feeling very hurt and hopeless and i need some advice and support
hello,
i think i may have had times like that. I havent gone to the doctor, so i dont know whether its depression or bipolar, but I had episodes of very strong pain, that made me helpless. I was crying for days. I felt as if there were no hope for me. I felt as I were cursed to have these reocurring episodes of infinite misery, loneliness, and pain.
Last week or so, it got better, but it always coms back. Last few times it comes back, I try to be prepared and not let it ruin me. One thing that helps me is to organize a busy day, of useful and pleasant activities. When I dont work, I study, clean the house, do ironing, cooking something good, go for a walk, do yoga at home, paint something. I try to consentrate on other things, while waiting for the dark episode to pass. Also, I try to avoid disturbing things, I dont watch heavy movies, dont listen to loud music, and dont drink alchohol (not even a glass of wine, I noticed alchohol makes me more helpless). Eventually it passes, and things are fine and shiny for a while. Then it comes back, and I dive into all kinds of useful activities.
I also find out that it is much help wirting here on this site. Its helping me, because I can write everything out, and because I can write to other people, giving them my support.
As for cutting...you are already in pain, why makes it worse? I understand that you may have so much pain, that the only way to handle it is to hurt your body, and then you get comfort as it heals, but... this is very difficult, very heavy way of dealing with it. I hope you find better ways. Think if there anything you like to do so much, it can igve comfort even in the worst times.
Its ok to cry it out, but dont cut yourself, please.
Wish you to get better.
Big hug
Thanks i appreciate it, about cutting- idk if u were ever a cutter or not, ive been cutting for 5 years- off and on- gets worse, gets better- and i dont know how to handle my emotions any other way. It feels good after u cry, but the pain tht i feel wen i cry makes me want to just cut and cut and cut.
Sometimes someone will ask me what it is thts hurting me, and i dont even know what it is anymore. The pain is so deep and complex tht i cant talk it out and i cant verbalize what i feel and thts y i always resort to cutting :(
ooow :( I was cutting myself only two times, it was when I was feeling so much pain, didnt know what to do with it, and I could calm down only after hurting myself physically.
im sorry, i dont really know how to deal with your cutting, it sounds like it is "much deeper" for you.
try this, every time you feel like cutting, do something else instead, no matter how much you dont want to. find a pair of sox and wash them by hands, do it automatically, just to keep you from cutting.
Also, watch the movie Secretary.
Hold on.
Im not a cutter and probably never will be but I do enjoy pain when Im depressed, I turn to getting piercings..it makes me feel better but cost money so I don't do it often. That's just me. You should try the sock trick, sounds fun. Whenever I feel the urge to go drinking I usually pick up my guitar and try to write a song....best part is I can cry and get emotions out while be creative. Any art can help. Just a thought. We are all here for you.
I self harmed constantly for about 15 years. The last three I've been better about it but it is always hard to find something that helps as much in the moment. Don't let your self feel bad about having done it more, for some of us it really does become the only way to cope. Honestly just crying maybe the best thing to do when you get a strong urge. When you feel calm try to make a list of things to make you feel better for when you do feel bad.
I'm in therapy for C-PTSD now and it has helped alot. Alot of my selfdestructive issues come from the complet lack of controll that I had early on in life. It's also been very hard for me to talk about things and alot of times when i start to lose contol over myself, i also have no idea why i feel so bad. I have been able to figure out a few triggers like feeling abandoned or lonely, trying to avoid emotional pain, feeling shame or like I'm of a lower value. Just figuring out a few common patterns in my thinking has helped me to deescalate and think ok, why is this happening.
It may take awhile for you to find out where the pain is coming from but you are not alone in self harming or not knowing how to find the words. If the people in your life don't quite get how you handle your pain, try not to let it make you feel bad. This is just the way that you (and many others) have found to release pain, it's not forever and it's not defining
I found myself cutting today. For me it's a release of energy, be it anxiety, sadness, anger or guilt. It has become a way of coping with overwhelming feelings that I do not know how to express. Sometimes I will spend a lot of time cutting in one place and make it really deep and long, other times I will space several smaller cuts one above each other. My psychiatrist suggested I try putting my hands in freezing cold water when I feel the urge to cut. I find it useful sometimes, but am also occasionally just overwhelmed and need to do it. I wonder if maybe you triied the same thing by putting your hands in ice cold water you may be able to stop the cycle. I don't know but it works for me most of the time.
Thanks eo for ur comments, idk i feel like ive tried every trick in the book (the ice, the rubberband, writing, listening to music, excersizing etc etc) and i just keep getting back to this place of desperation and raw, utter pain. and rite now i just wanna cut and cut and cut and not snap rubberbands or color red marker on my arms
Since you see now way for you to manage it yourself, do you consider seeing a doctor? You dont deserve this misery.
Hug
Been thru 9 therapists, hvnt found someone i 'clicked' with yet.Thx everyone for ur encouragment im feeling better today. Hoping ur all doing well :) <3
one thing i found that worked for me was journaling when the reason that i needed to self injure was due to the feelings that were so extreme that I could NOT deal with them. Journaling did not always exactly let me deal w/ them but it did keep me occupied and sometimes allowed the opportunity to work thru some of my issues...
I just cut myself for the first (and last time) a week ago. I used a butcher knife and I know when I was doing it I couldn't feel pain. I became addicted to it, completely consumed. I was checked into a treatment center that day but I know cutting was on my mind 24/7 for two days straight. But I had no way to do it as much as I wanted because I was watched all the time by staff (I even had to use the bathroom and shower in front of others). I did manage to sneak a metal piece of hairbrush off and cut with that the second day. I was put on meds and the thoughts seemed to die off. Are you on meds for anything? Do you truely know the reason why you cut? Maybe exploring that could help find a solution? Talking to others and taking medicine are only ways to help stop addictions but you have to deep down want to quit. In the end what does cutting add to your life besides ugly scars and temporary pain? If you didn't cut, what would your life look like? One step at a time is the trick to killing any addiction. Good luck with everything-hope this helps a little.