Feeling lost

I’ll try to keep this short but it’s kind of a long story, so I apologize in advance! Last year about this time, my husband and I were preparing to move to a different state. I had ALOT of anxiety leading up to the move since we had never lived out of our home state and our 2 young adult children were staying.
He left at the end of June and stayed with his sister to start looking for a job, as I had already found a job. So I stayed behind to finish packing and tie up loose ends. We had sold our house about 1 1/2 yrs prior knowing that we were going to be moving and the house market was good at the time. After about 3-4 weeks of him being there, he had not found a job. And since I was not there, I am questioning how hard he was really looking. With the anxiety I was having, I should have not moved until he had a job lined up, my mistake. I made the move over at the end of July last year and then we found a place to rent. Deposits for utilities were done and had only been in the house for about 3 weeks…he still didn’t have a job lined up. There were a few temp jobs that he did but nothing long term panned out. Physical jobs are not good on him since he has a hernia and a bulging disc. With not having health insurance yet, those jobs were out. There were some other factors with other jobs but long story short, he didn’t want to work nights and rotating shifts. Which I get, we have already dealt with those kind of hours and it’s not good for our marriage. He does have a history of substance abuse as well. It doesn’t help that he is not good with computers and if a job description mentioned computer work, he wouldn’t even entertain that position.
After being in the new state for close to a month, he decided that maybe it was best to move back “home” since it was more expensive to continue where we were living and jobs were not paying enough for us. I had only been in the new area for about 5-6 weeks and we packed everything up AGAIN and moved home. Thankfully we did get back into the same duplex we had just moved out of and the landlords like us.
Now I keep feeling like I failed and just don’t know where I fit in. I have awesome friends but it’s like we never get invited out with others. I’m more of an extrovert while my husband is an introvert so that causes issues at times for us also. If we go to gatherings, he would rather have me sit by him and then he just plays on his phone the majority of the time. He doesn’t really engage in conversations with anyone unless I’m also talking.
I don’t feel like I want to live in my home state now that I have experience living away, but I don’t know where I want to be. I enjoy my coworkers but get bored at work. Would love to finish college but I don’t even know what I want to do.
I just feel so lost in many ways right now and I don’t know how to get over it. I’m angry that we moved back home so quickly and feel like a loser that couldn’t make it work. Right now I just don’t feel like I have any direction in life and it’s just really eating me up.

Remember everything happens for a reason. It can be easy to gain anxiety and usually it’s from us thinking in the future. Creating mental movies of situations that have yet to occur. Remember that you have nothing to worry about, these life situations that you are currently experiencing will not last. Everything comes to end and we need to learn how to accept that. You have to be okay with being uncomfortable to achieve success and peace. If things don’t work out the way you wanted then remember that rejection is protection. It’s about perspective, change your mind set on what is considered failure, remember the purpose of life is JOY. Appreciate every moment by living in the NOW. Don’t think of the past or the future, only right now with all you’re appreciation. Lastly remember that you are LOVED. :heart:

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