Feeling myself slip into addiction

Hello, my name is Tony and this is my second day on this site. I found it while scanning the internet for information on percocet addiction. I have been using prescription drugs on and off for about almost 4 years now. It started when I had to get 8 of my teeth pulled and they prescribed some vics for my pain. After that, it kind of snowballed. Not too bad, but bad enough to the point where I was taking ANYTHING to get high. I started using drugs and drinking when I was a freshman in highschool. You know some pot here and there and some 40's every now and then. And after that it went to coke for a few months to pills to a really bad binge with extacy where I was taking 4 at once. And then my surgery with my teeth. I think that's really where I slipped. After the surgery I found crack. I smoked that for about 2 years pretty heavy until it almost gave me a heart attack one day when I decided to smoke some by myself. I haven't smoked it since that horrible day. I quite that cold turkey. I dont know how I did it but thank god I did. Now its percocets. In highschool I used to mess around with it a little. I used to take about 5 or 6 tylenol 3's with a bottle of Smirnoff. Nothing would happen after a while so I started snorting extacy and when that wasn't getting me high anymore thats when the crack hit. As I said earlier I'm done with that. But now its percocets. I dont take alot....yet, but I feel myself slipping. I used to try and push my self to take as much as possible my limit was 3 10mg. before I would start to throwup. Then I cut down to 1-2 a day. Now one doesn't do anything, in the way of getting high. It just makes me feel ok. Like I said I feel myself slipping my girlfriend sees it and I don't know what to do. Over the past weekend I took my stepfather's tylenol 3's he had about 9 and I took all of them at once and nothing happened. That's when I realized I might be in trouble. My liver is starting to hurt. Like I said, I feel myself slipping but I don't know where to turn to. I can't tell my mom that I'm on drugs again because she has already been through so much with me I know that if I tell her, it will destroy her. My girlfriend helped my with my past addictions but I see the disappointment in her eyes when I'm feinding and I'm trying to get my pills. I can't hurt any more people.

i think it would hurt your mother more if you were to overdose and leave this world. it sounds to me like you are already on the right track. you want to stop and you are looking for help! keep it up and you will make it!

Hi aurszenyi, Welcome to SupportGroups.com . Have you ever been to NA http://www.na.org/ for help? If not, then I suggest checking them out. You might also want to see a doctor and get a check up to make sure you are ok. I agree with Un_Sure on it would definitely hurt your mother more if you overdosed and died. Please get some type of face to face help starting today. Let us know how you are doing. We are here for you. ((((hugs))))

So I took the past couple of days to see if I was able to stop taking percocets. I don't know if it's just my mind playing with me or if I'm just not ready to quit. Whenever I think about stopping I get very ancsy and angry. It's like I look forward to taking them all day and then when I do I feel great but the minute I start coming down I feel like a piece of **** for AGAIN taking pills. I think I have to talk to my old drug n alcohol counselor from high school, maybe some face to face conversations can set me on the right track.

at least you're trying to stop. but you can't do this alone. i agree with eveyone else, it would hurt your mother if you left this world. the best thing to do is first admit that you have a problem. then you should confide in your mother and make a meeting. you're not alone. your girlfriend needs help also from being codependent. there are meetings for both problems. attack it now b4 it gets worse.

Welcome to the board and your focus towards recovery. I was out there abusing any and all opiates for over 15 years. I would always quit, but couldn't stay stopped.
The fact of the matter is this: unless you are willing to do whatever it takes to get and stay sober, you are destined to keep repeating your same pattern of insanity. Our way rarely ever works and we can't do it alone. Detox and withdrawal sucks, period. There is no magic bullet or free pass off the opiate express..it's the price we pay for abusing pills. It's such a tiny part of the process..it's after you start to feel better that the real work begins.
Listen, there is hope. I've been sober two and a half years next week. It hasn't been easy, but if you want to be sober, you need to get real honest with yourself and those who love you.
Keep posting.

Taking drugs because "It just makes me feel ok". Isn't what I'd call, "starting to feel my self slipping". I'd call it being a practicing drug addict. Quoting from - joplinfrk - "Detox and withdrawal sucks, period."

That said, there are things we can do to make it less - bad - and quicker, while increasing our chances of avoiding relapse.

Something else that sucks is being insane. I could take all the physical stuff (I understood it) what I couldn't take was the mental stuff. Both of these, physical and mental, restorations take heart and guts. But for those who simply refuse to give up the reward is great. I guess we could call it freedom from bondage - addiction is literally "slavery".

I would hate to return to a life of servitude.

http://www.dgswilson.com/wp/2009/12/07/how-to-end-an-addiction/

I think what I'm most afraid of is I hear all these people talk about how bad detox is and how horrible you feel the first week or so. What are the symptoms? My friend says that I can't stop dry heaving, and so on and so forth. What am I going to experience while detoxing? How bad is it going to be?? The main thing that happens to me right now is extreme anger, irratability and impatience the minute the pills wear off. Physical symptoms haven't happened yet. Getting really nervouse as I read and hear about all the people saying how bad the physical withdrawal is.

What exactly are you taking and how long have you been taking it?

Right now I am taking sometimes oxycodone or hydrocodone or the brand name percocet. I was also taking acetominophen with codeine (the 3's). I was also taking about 4-5 Fioricet...no idea how many milligrams each. And I think thats about it right now. I have been taking these things on and off for about maybe 2-3 years. I can't really remember any more. The 3's I took 9 at once and nothing really happend so I stopped those. Um...the fioricet I took for about a week because I had a spinal tap and the hospital fucked up. Also because of the tap I was prescribe 5mg oxycodone about 15 of them and I ran out in about a day and a half. Now like I said I take either oxy-or-hydrocodone or the real percocets. I take sometimes anywhere between 2-3 a day of the real percocets sometimes I take anywhere between 4-6 or 7 hydrocodone or oxycodones.

Okay, thanks. Like you said, the fear of this is messin' with you, as it does most people. It happens to me when I don't want to do something or don't want to talk to someone. Pretty soon I can feel the physiological fear symptoms. If you ask me if I was scared I'd say, no, but I can still feel the, whatever you want to call it (anxiety), in my body. What I've gotten better at over the years is "moving" and doing what I need to, to get it over with.

Now here is something that a lot of people don't know, can't comprehend or don't believe. Those symptoms you described in your earlier post? I can take any - clean sober human - and get them to feel all those things - just through diet.

One of the main reasons you feel this way when you don't have pills in you is because your body doesn't have the fuel it needs to operate optimally. I realize this sounds dumb. But it's tested, proven and people have known it for thousands of years. We don't get taught about this stuff anymore (there's no profit in it).

Here's my suggestion: Get in touch with a nutritionist in your area. Tell them what you've been doing and what you want to do. If they say anything like, "I don't understand...", go find another one. There are also nutritional detox facilities, call one.

Here's the other thing, we used to detox off of alcohol with chloro-hydrate. It's more like a knock out drug, a sleeping pill. It's not a narcotic and you just take it for 2 or 3 days. Also I can go to detox with a serious heroin jones and bypass it with Librium, just sleep through it.

The physical symptoms of an opiate type detox are cramps, sweats, vomiting and diarrhea. All that can be treated in detox so it feels like you have the flu or something. Millions of children get flus and colds. You'll survive. (going through it's easier than thinking about it)

Let me know what the nutritionist says and if you can't find one just search "nutritional detox for addiction" and you'll find what you need. If not - tell me.

WOW thank you so much for all of that information. The part that you said about the psychological part of addiction is very true. Last night I was freeking out because I didn't have any pills. Once I had a couple in my pocket I completely calmed down. I wasn't fiending or anything to take them. It kind of felt like a "security blanket (?)". I will absolutely look into finding a nutrionist. Thank you again.

You're welcome. Tell me what you find along the way...